A guy works a new job for a week. On Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today, I’m sick.” He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, “I can’t come in today, I’m sick.” The boss asks the […]
A priest wants to go on vacation. So he calls his rabbi friend and asks if he would handle his parish for a month. The rabbi replies “I guess. I can definitely handle the sermons as I’ll just preach from the old testament but I wouldn’t have a clue what […]
A car accident involves 3 cars the first one is a gorgeous Ferrari, unfortunately totally crashed. The driver goes out of the car and says: damn, so unlucky! doesn’t matter though, with what I get in a week I can get a new one soon. The second driver goes out […]
A husband and wife are out golfing. They’re teeing off on the 7th hole. The husband slices his drive into the rough, with his line to the green blocked by a maintenance shed. He says to his wife, “I guess I’ll take a drop.” The wife replies, “wait, if we […]
A fox in the forest catches a little chicken that strayed away from the farm. The chicken sees the fox is about to eat him and begs: Please, don’t kill me! Let’s go back to my farm together, and I’ll bring my mom out to you, swear! A big, fat, […]
A lady went to the butcher shop to buy a chicken. The lady looked in the meat case and saw several chickens, the price marked was $3.50 per pound. She told the butcher his price for chicken was too high. She said across town the butcher priced his chickens at […]
A recently divorced and wealthy businessman had amassed enough money to live comfortably for the rest of his life. With his kids already grown and on their own, and all of his debts paid, he retired and decided to spend the rest of his days fishing. He purchased a nice […]
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who the hell was that?” “Oh,” […]
An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer’s field Long They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them is it ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer […]
A Mom was driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns.“It is not polite.” “OK,” the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now […]
A traveling salesman is driving past a farmhouse when he sees a pig with a wooden leg. This piques his curiosity, so he goes to the house and knocks on the door. The farmer answers. “What’s the story with the pig with the wooden leg?” asks the salesman. “Let me […]
A guy finds an old lamp in the desert. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie tells him he has two wishes. The guy says “I always thought it was three wishes.” The genie says “Check your pants.” The guy looks down and goes, “Woah, it’s huge!” […]
A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert. When they ran into a family of skunks. They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright. They found all of the skunks to be […]
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