A 60 year old millionaire is getting married. His friends, feeling envious, inquire about how he managed to win the heart of a stunning 22-year-old blonde beauty. “It’s quite straightforward,” the millionaire grins. “I lied about my age.” His friends express their astonishment and inquire about the age he claimed […]
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “What is this Father?” The father (never having seen […]
A horse walks into a bar and the barman says “Clyde! Didn’t think we’d see you back in here again. Didn’t you move up to Manhattan to take that job with the United Nations?” “Oh yeah, I had to pack that in” said the horse. “The work was prestigious and […]
A construction foreman is interviewing three guys for a job.He asks the first guy, “Can you take this hammer, throw it in the air, and catch it in your tool belt?” The first guy says “I sure can!” and tosses the hammer 6 feet in the air. He catches it […]
A man and his wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem…The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so […]
Theres a robbery at a bank.One of the robbers accidentaly drops his mask. He puts it back, but he knows it is too late. So he asks the closest man: ‘Did you see anything?’ ‘Well, yes, I was close and…’ The robber shoots him instantly. He then goes to the […]
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As […]
A man was driving in a very rural area. Suddenly he saw a sign, “St Mary’s Convent and Brothel, All Welcome, 10 miles.” He was very surprised, and when he saw the St Mary sign, he turned of and stopped in the parking lot. He knocked on the door, and […]
A man and his wife and his mother in law went on vacation to the Holy Land.. While they were there, the mother in law passed away. The undertaker told them you can have her shipped home for $5000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for […]
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, ‘Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!The two look at each other, shrug and […]
There was 3 guys stranded in the mountains and they weren’t going to be rescued for 3 days. So they all made a plan that each night one would get the food. So the first night the 1st guy goes out and comes back with a big deer. So the […]
A Scottish couple took in a young woman as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bathtub inside, although if she wanted to, she could use the outside tub. “Monday’s the best night, when my […]
An old drunk is walking down the beach and sees a lamp sticking out of the sand. Thinking he can pawn it for a little drinkin money he pulls it out and rubs the side to clean the sand off, when out pops a Genie! “I will grant you Two […]
