Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to […]
A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 P.M. he sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. “Do you know how to work this thing?” the […]
Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked “how many of you guys are trump fans?” since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well except little Johnny. So the teacher asks, “why are you being different again Johnny…..” so little […]
My wife came in the bathroom as I was getting dressed after my morning shower. I put my underwear on and pulled them up. Then I put my pants on and pulled them up and told her I had to park the old guy in the right spot. Now my […]
Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn’t help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe’s roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only […]
A salesman was looking for a house to sell his vacuum cleaner in a new territory He found the first house and knocked at it’s door A woman answered the knock but before she could say anything,the man rushed into the house and dumped a pile of garbage there “Ma’am” […]
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting… He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be […]
An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class She pointed to one student and asked “What does your father do for a living?” The boy said “My father’s a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half.” “That’s wonderful!” said the teacher. “And do […]
My wife, Judy, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Judy was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came home and undressed to take a […]
Jennifers wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother of the bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young […]
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman… he’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you […]
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”One […]
There is this man who meets a fairy. He is granted three wishes. Having wished for his most urgent needs the man uses his third wish to ask the fairy to return and give him three more wishes. The fairy complies and says: “You can call me whenever you want.” […]
