A guy lives with his wife in the same little town where they both grew up. He has a job in the same town, and occasionally, on his walk home from work, he goes into the bookstore and sneaks a look at “The Joy of Se” to find a new […]
An old country boy with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a game Warden. The game warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing license please?” “No, sir. Don’t need one.” These here are my pet fish.” “Pet fish??” the game warden barked. “Yep. Once a […]
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, […]
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing nak** around his John Deere. “What are you doing!” asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, “My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do […]
A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father. They agree to it and are led into a room where they get […]
One day, the three daughters told the farmer that they were all going on a date. So, the farmer, being the protective father he was, grabbed his shotgun and walked outside. Suddenly, a car pulled in, and a man stepped out it. He went up to the farmer and said: […]
A cowboy is captured by a native war party. As he is bound in the middle of the camp, the chief comes up to him and says “in this land, we grant prisoners of war three days before they are executed. Each day, the prisoner can make one request and […]
A man applies for a government job A guy goes into the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee. ”Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was […]
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! But it ended up getting kicked out… turns out it couldn’t find the beat, it just kept winging it! Why don’t elephants use computers? Because they’re afraid of the mouse! Plus, they can’t seem to remember where they […]
A husband and wife were watching TV when the wife asked her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?” The husband replied, “Well, I’m not sure. It would depend on a few things.” Curious, the wife persisted, “Like what?” The husband chuckled and said, “First, I’d have to make […]
Little Billy: “Mommy got mad at me today.” Little Susie: “Really? Why?” Little Billy: “This morning she said, ‘I wish I had some new clothes. If people came to visit, they’d think I was the cook.’ An’ I said, ‘They wouldn’t think that for long if they stayed for dinner.’”
DAUGHTER: I have to use the bathroom. ME: pulls into rest stop DAUGHTER: Thanks. ME: Make sure you’re back in 5 minutes. DAUGHTER: I will. ME: We accidentally left your brother behind once. DAUGHTER: I don’t have a brother. ME: Exactly.
A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket. The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he’s writing. The farmer says “I see you’re being bothered by those circle flies.” The policeman says, “If […]
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