“Two guys sneak into a farmers orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. “Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want,” said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets […]
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to […]
A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 P.M. he sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. “Do you know how to work this thing?” the […]
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol. She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She says “I want you to see this.” She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the […]
A wife wants to try 69 with her husband The husband says “what’s that” “I’ll show you” the wife says The wife then straddles the husbands face and farts. The wife then scurries off embarrassed. “Sorry I didn’t mean to do that let me try again” says the wife The […]
Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked “how many of you guys are trump fans?” since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well except little Johnny. So the teacher asks, “why are you being different again Johnny…..” so little […]
Jimmy farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Jimmy, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?” “I farted in class and the teacher threw […]
My wife came in the bathroom as I was getting dressed after my morning shower. I put my underwear on and pulled them up. Then I put my pants on and pulled them up and told her I had to park the old guy in the right spot. Now my […]
A man goes to prison for robbery.After getting sorted, processed, and settled, it’s lights out and he gets ready to sleep. After a few minutes he hears someone yell out “Forty Six!” and the whole cell block erupts in laughter. A few more moments pass and someone else calls out […]
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.The senior is […]
A Woman goes to a Psychiatrist and complains: “I don’t want to marry. I am educated, independent, and self-sufficient. I don’t need a husband.But my parents are asking me to marry. What do I do? ”The psychiatrist replied: “YOU, undoubtedly will achieve great things in life. But somethings inevitably will […]
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.’”“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so […]
A handsome man in a suit approaches a young lady at a bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” she asked. “Guys like you always have girlfriends.” He looked downcast, “No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago.” “Oh, I’m […]
