A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. “Please state the nature of your emergency,” says the operator. “Help! My house is on fire!” – the blonde replies. “Okay, where do […]
A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day’s lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his student. […]
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home? 1st kid says, “A computer.” Teacher replies “That’d be very useful” 2nd kid says “A new lawn mower.” Teacher replies with a similar response… Little Johnny pops up and says, “At my house […]
Early one morning a mother went to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!” “Buy why, Mom? I don’t want to go.” “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.” “Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, […]
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my […]
A wife goes on a retreat for work. When she returns, she finds a pair of in her dresser that do not belong to her. Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!” So, the wife goes […]
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this […]
My bf is going on a trip and I thought it’d be fun to give him a joke and tell the punchline when he gets home. Only thing is we were on a time crunch and I just said the first thing that came to mind which was: What do […]
A sixteen year old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150. His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!” “I bought it today,” he says. “With what money?” says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost. “Well,” he says, “this […]
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said one, “but we don’t have a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened […]
A salesman was looking for a house to sell his vacuum cleaner in a new territory He found the first house and knocked at it’s door A woman answered the knock but before she could say anything,the man rushed into the house and dumped a pile of garbage there “Ma’am” […]
A New Zealand Farmer gets a knock on his door, it’s a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he’s been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night. “Do you have any skills?” The farmer asks. “Well, […]
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting… He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be […]
