Husband approaches his wife, “Jenny, I think I have a problem.” Jenny smiles at him kindly, “Darling, your problems are my problem also. Trouble shared is trouble halved. Tell me.” “OK, “ says the husband, “in that case, we got the neighbor pregnant.”
A man pulls up his car at a red light next to a woman in her car. He opens his windows and glances at the woman. The woman also opens the window and looks at him questioningly. The man smiles and says: “Ah, you too? Gas is a b*, isn’t […]
A boy comes home and proudly announces to his parents, “Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!” The parents are very happy and ask, “That’s amazing Lenny! And what was the question?” Sticking out his chest, […]
Boy comes up to his father, all angry, “Dad, you remember how you told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks? How you said it would impress the girls?” Father looks up, smiling, “Yeah, did it work?” The boy screams, “You could have mentioned that the potato goes […]
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!”–The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up. You don’t need make-up, Jane. Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you! You need plastic surgery.
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”
So this dude was out playing golf on a Sunday. About half way through the first 9 holes, he forgets what hole he is on so he asks a lady in front of him, “hey miss, sorry to bother you, but I’ve forgotten what hole I am on, and you […]
After a few too many drinks he proceeds to vomit down the front of his shirt. “Oh man, my wife bought me this shirt. She’s gonna kill me!” he drunkenly blurts out. “Relax,” says the bartender. “Put a $10 bill in your shirt pocket. When you get home tell your […]
but unfortunately they had a car crash and died. Before the gates of St Peter they stood thinking maybe they could get married in heaven. So they ask St Peter, and Peter says ”Well it’s quite rare, but let me see what I can do.” So St Peter goes into […]
A 60 year old billionaire walks into a bar with his gorgeous 25 year old wife Friend: How did she marry you? Billionaire: I lied about my age Friend: You said 45? Billionaire: No! I said 90!
A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, “I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one […]
