A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again […]
A man walks into a nearly empty bar and orders a drink. He’s sitting alone at the end of the bar, sipping away, and he hears a voice.“Nice shirt.” He looks around and sees no one nearby. He forgets about it and continues drinking. “Nice tie,” the voice says again. […]
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. “At what time do you open tomorrow?” asked the caller. “At nine,” he answered. The phone rings at midnight “What time do you open … in the morning?”“At nine”. The phone rings at 4 in the morning […]
This worked fine with my level 200a on up. A man got a parrot which could already talk. It had belonged to a sailor and had a big vocabulary. However, the man soon discovered that the parrot mostly know bad words. At first he thought it was funny, but then […]
James was walking down the road one morning when he met his friend Danny. “Morning, Danny. Er … Danny, you’re wearing a glove on one hand and none on the other. Did you know?” “Yes, well I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see.” “The Weather forecast?” “Yes, the […]
There were three nurses in a morgue… They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on. The first nurse was very forward and said, “Wow! I have never seen that before, I can’t let that go to waste”. […]
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally […]
Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, “Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish.” The fisherman looks around and says, “Well, we […]
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette […]
A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp. Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, i will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish. After a thought he […]
Three prisoners are locked in a cell. One takes out a harmonica and says, ‘At least I can play a little music and pass the time.’ The second prisoner pull out a pack of cards and says, ‘We can play games too.’ The third man pulls out a packet of […]
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who […]
A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn’t include Joseph in the games anymore. The husband asks, “Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing […]
