A guy finds an old lamp in the desert. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie tells him he has two wishes. The guy says “I always thought it was three wishes.” The genie says “Check your pants.” The guy looks down and goes, “Woah, it’s huge!” […]
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her […]
There were two young men from the South who loved to fish and they wanted to do some ice fishing.They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait […]
A woman is walking home with her daughters. The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, “Mummy, how did I get my name?” “Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that’s why we named you Rose.” The second […]
A couple is having a nice dinner at a local restaurant, having a good time telling blonde jokes. Suddenly a blonde approached them and slapped her hand down on the table. She angrily tells them that she can take a blonde joke as well as the next person, but it […]
A local psychic hotline opened up a new number especially for frogs, called “The Psychic Frog- line.” A frog called, wanting to know his future. “You will meet a beautiful young girl,” predicted the psychic. “This is great!” said the frog. “Where will I meet her? At a party? At […]
An elderly woman riding a scooter passes through border control. One of the guards, having already seen her cross the border many times, approaches her, suspicious of her being a smuggler. He asks her for documents. His colleagues search for contraband in her bag and the luggage on the scooter. […]
A farmer got so old that he couldn’t work the fields anymore. So he would spend the day just sitting on the porch. His son, still working the farm, would look up from time to time and see his father sitting there. “He’s of no use any more,” the son […]
There once was a man who had only one testi, and whose given name was ‘Onestone’.He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, ‘If anyone calls me ‘Onestone’ again I will kill them!’ The word […]
A very shy person wanted to learn how to approach a girl. So he went to watch a video on how to overcome shyness and talk to girls. In the video, the coach made a demo where he approched a girl and immediately asked her to guess a number from […]
An 18 year old girl gets pregnant. When she tells her mom, her mom gets angry and asks her who is the pig that got you pregnant. The girls calls someone ok the phone and within an hour a distinguished looking man with grey hair and in a striped suit […]
A German man wanted to buy a train ticket to visit his friend in Naples. He goes to the Italian ticket agent and buys the ticket, but explains that he wants to reserve a seat facing the direction that the train was going. The Italian ticket agent hands the German […]
My Uncle Martin went through an awful, gut-wrenching divorce that changed him forever. He filled the head of his son Saul – my cousin Solly – with warnings of the evil ways of women, begging him to never fall under a woman’s spell. It made quite an impression; Saul dutifully […]
