A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, “Sure, that’ll be one dollar.” “One dollar?” exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, “Could I have steak and chips?” “Certainly,” says the barman, “that’ll be two dollars.” “Two dollars?” cries the man. “You’re joking. Where’s the […]
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my […]
A wife goes on a retreat for work. When she returns, she finds a pair of in her dresser that do not belong to her. Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!” So, the wife goes […]
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this […]
Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn’t help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe’s roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only […]
A sixteen year old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150. His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!” “I bought it today,” he says. “With what money?” says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost. “Well,” he says, “this […]
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said one, “but we don’t have a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened […]
A New Zealand Farmer gets a knock on his door, it’s a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he’s been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night. “Do you have any skills?” The farmer asks. “Well, […]
A guy is spending his first night in prison He hears someone in another cell shout out “37!” and the whole cell block bursts out laughing. Another guy shouts out “74!” Same thing. “46!” and everyone loses their minds. He asks his cellmate “What’s going on? Why are the numbers […]
So, in the summer, I go do some work. I was looking for a job, and found house painting. A couple of days after my first day, we where going to paint a fairly big house. We did it with the 3 of us, because then the job will be […]
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his […]
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining It to a prospective patient. He told her, “I’ll install a special screw in the top Of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need A little tuck, we’ll just […]
A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder. He walks up to the bar and asks for a pint for himself and a half pint for Tiny, his lizard.The barman looks a little taken aback but serves him and Tiny. Finally, curiosity gets the better of […]
