Two beggars are sitting in front of a church in the Middle Ages. One is wearing rusty knight’s armor with holes in it and a sign that says: “Please help a poor knight returned from the Crusades who fought for the Holy Land.” The other has a long beard and […]
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai. The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction. A bystander witnesses the […]
A woman walks into the produce section of the supermarketAnd asks the man stocking oranges, “Excuse me sir, where can I find the broccoli?” The man replies, “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re fresh out of broccoli but we’ll have some tomorrow.” The woman walks away. Comes back a few minutes later, […]
A 25 y.o. goes to her therapist…P: “Doctor, I feel so bad lately, since I got my first raise at work, I can’t stop taking cash outta my bank account and then go buy a bunch of useless stuff… d: “Hmm, can you describe more precisely how you are feeling?” […]
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician orders a beer The second orders half a beer “I don’t serve half-beers” the bartender replies “Excuse me?” Asks mathematician #2 “What kind of bar serves half-beers?” The bartender remarks. “That’s ridiculous.” “Oh c’mon” says mathematician #1 “do […]
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married. His friends, feeling envious, inquire about how he managed to win the heart of a stunning 22-year-old blonde beauty. “It’s quite straightforward,” the millionaire grins. “I lied about my age.” His friends express their astonishment and inquire about the age he claimed […]
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “What is this Father?” The father (never having seen […]
A horse walks into a bar and the barman says “Clyde! Didn’t think we’d see you back in here again. Didn’t you move up to Manhattan to take that job with the United Nations?” “Oh yeah, I had to pack that in” said the horse. “The work was prestigious and […]
A construction foreman is interviewing three guys for a job.He asks the first guy, “Can you take this hammer, throw it in the air, and catch it in your tool belt?” The first guy says “I sure can!” and tosses the hammer 6 feet in the air. He catches it […]
A man and his wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem…The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so […]
Theres a robbery at a bank.One of the robbers accidentaly drops his mask. He puts it back, but he knows it is too late. So he asks the closest man: ‘Did you see anything?’ ‘Well, yes, I was close and…’ The robber shoots him instantly. He then goes to the […]
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As […]
A man was driving in a very rural area. Suddenly he saw a sign, “St Mary’s Convent and Brothel, All Welcome, 10 miles.” He was very surprised, and when he saw the St Mary sign, he turned of and stopped in the parking lot. He knocked on the door, and […]
