Until now I thought that the worst sentence an aunt can say is: “We have to talk …”. But no, the worst phrase you can say is: “I love you too … but only as a friend”.
That means that for her you are the most sympathetic in the world, the one who listens best, the most coiled … but who will not go out with you.
She’s going out with an unpresentable who just wants to sleep with her.
Of course, when the other makes a whore, will call you to ask advice. It is as if you are going to look for a job and they say to you: “Mr. Motorbikes, you are the best person for the position, the one who has the best vitae, the most prepared … but we are not going to hire you, we are going to catch an incompetent. Of course, when I screwed up, could we call you to get us out of the mess? ”
I wonder, what have I done wrong? We have gone to the cinema, we have laughed, we have spent hours drinking coffee … From what coffee did we become friends? Of the fifth? Of the sixth? Fuck, that’s warned. One less, and now I would be sleeping with her!
For them a friend is governed by the same rules as a Tampax: you can go to the pool with him, ride a horse, dance … The only thing you can not do with him is to have sex.
Is that if you think about it … If for an aunt you consider yourself “your friend” it consists in ruining your sex life, what will she do with her enemies? It seems to me very well that we are friends, what I do not understand is why we can not “fuck like friends”.
I believe that friendship between men and women does not exist, because if it existed, it would be known. What happens is that when she tells you that she loves you only as a friend, for her it means that, period. But not for you For you it means that if one night you are on the beach, she gets drunk, there is a full moon, the planets have lined up and the Earth threatens meteor … Maybe you can get involved with her!
That’s why you swallow, because you never lose the hope. What is wrong with Oscar? Well, it will break … when it does, you attack with the technique of “dildo”: “Do not cry, the Oscar is a pimp, you deserve something better, a guy who understands you, an uncle who knows how to be there when you need it … To be short, to be brown, not to be very handsome, to be called Javier … like me. “
At least, being a friend you can put weeds to eliminate competition. It is the “miserable worm” technique. When she says: – Oh, what a nice guy it is Paco, right? Paco? He’s very nice, yes … a little cross-eyed. – It is not cross-eyed, what happens is that it has a very tender look. – Yes, in that you are right, I noticed the other day, when I looked at Marta. – I did not look at her, she looked at me. – You see how cross-eyed? The last straw is that the aunts consider that they have a “super special” relationship with an uncle when they can sleep with him in the same bed and nothing happens.
But hey, what “super special” would not be that something would happen? One day after a party, you stay helping her to pick up, as you always do, and when you finish, she says: – Huy, it’s too late, why do not you stay for the night? – And where do I sleep? – Well, in my bed. – Your legs tremble: “This is my night, the planets have aligned!” After a while you realize that it is not exactly the planets that have lined up, because she, as you are friends, with all the confidence, she is left in a shirt and panties, and you, when seen, think: “I’m going to keep to be in underpants … with the alignment of planets that I carry “. So you jump on the bed and bend your knees to hide. She gets in, hits your ass and says: “See you tomorrow.” And he sleeps! “But hey, How could you sleep so soon? But this aunt does not pray or anything? “You’re lying with the aunt you like! At first you do not dare to move, not to touch anything. You know that if they did a contest at that moment, nobody could win you: you’re the uncle The hottest thing in the world, and how long the night goes by! A lot of questions come to mind:
“Touching a tit with my shoulder will be a bad friend? What if it’s my tit that touches me?” But after many hours you just ask yourself a question: Will I really be an asshole? “You can not believe that you are in the same bed and nothing is going to happen, you trust that at any moment you will turn around and tell you:” Come silly, you’ve already suffered enough, make me yours! “But no, aunts never seem to have suffered enough, and see that you suffer … Because you have all the blood of the body accumulated in the same place. have given cases of men who have come to burst.
But there does not end your humiliation. At seven o’clock in the morning the doorbell rings: Oh, it’s Oscar! Oscar? But you had not left him? I’ll tell you, now I’m in a hurry. I forgot to tell you that I was going to bring your dog, because as we are going to Baqueira, I told you that the dog better than you was not going to be with anyone. That you’re a friend! You have a bad face, have you slept well? And there you stay with the dog, that yes that is the best friend of man.