8th December
Just in time for dinner it started to snow – the first snow
of the season – and my beloved wife and I had
a drink and watched for hours from the window, as more and
more large, feathery speckles floated down from the sky.
We remembered ancient postcards – and it put
us in a romantic mood, as if we were newlyweds.
I LOVE snow !!

December 9th
We woke up and the whole landscape lay under a
glistening layer of fresh snow as if someone had
covered it with a blanket. What a beautiful sight! Can there be
a better place anywhere in the world? Moving here was the
best idea I’ve ever had. For the first time in years,
I grabbed the snow shovel and felt like a little kid again.
I cleared the driveway and the sidewalk. In the afternoon the
snow plow came and covered the sidewalks again and also the driveway,
so I had to take the shovel again.
What a life: just perfect!

December 12th
The sun has melted away all snow. What a disappointment.
Our neighbor calmed us down, claiming that we will definitely
get a white Christmas. Christmas without snow, that
would be terrible! Bob says we’ll
get so much snow by the end of winter that we’ll be glad to
get rid of him. I hardly believe that. Bob is a really nice person.
I’m glad to have him as a neighbor.

December 14th
It’s snowing, it’s snowing, how wonderful! 20 cm last night. The
temperatures have dropped to -20 ° C. Clashing cold that
puts everything in glitter. The wind takes your breath away, but
snow shoveling always warms me up quickly.
That’s a life!
The snowplow buried all the paths in the afternoon under white
snow mountains. I had no idea that I have to
shovel so much , but at least I might
get in shape again. I just wish I did not have to groan and moan all the time
.

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December 15
50 cm are predicted. I
exchanged my car for a 4×4 off-road vehicle . I also got snow-ready tires
for my wife’s car and two more snow shovels .
In the freezer I have created a supply. My wife wanted
me to get her a coal stove if the power went out
. Ridiculous! We’re not here in Alaska!

December 16
ice storm in the morning. Slipped and landed on the ass when
I sprinkled salt in the driveway. It hurt a lot. My
wife laughed half dead, I found that very nasty from her.

December 17th
Still ice cold. The roads are too slippery to take even one
step. For 5 hours we had no
electricity. I had to pile up some blankets to keep me warm.
There’s nothing I can do but look at my wife and try
to stay calm. I suppose I should have bought that damned coal stove
, but I’ll do the hell to admit that. I hate it
when she’s right. I can hardly believe that I will actually
freeze in my own living room.

December 20
The power is back, but last night there was another 30cm of
this cursed white mass. Schippen was announced. Lasted the
whole day. Twice this damn snowplow came by.
Tried to find a neighbor
kid who will do the shoveling , but they are all too busy playing
ice hockey games. Pah, all lies. Called the only machine
park in the area and
asked for a snowblower – sold out. Supposedly, the next delivery will be
in March. Lie, everything lies. Bob says I have to shovel snow,
otherwise the city will send people who will do it at my expense.
He’s also lying in the beard.

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December 22
Bob was right with Christmas. Today fell again 30 cm from the
white shit. And it’s so cold that the whole
thing probably lasts until August. It took me 45 minutes to
wrap myself up enough to shovel snow – and
then I had to pee.
When I finally peeled off
my clothes, peed, and got dressed again, I was way too broken to handle a
shovel. I tried to
hire Bob for the rest of the winter because he has a plow on his truck. He claims to
have enough to do himself, but he’s lying to me.

December 23rd
Today it was only 5 cm, and besides, the temperatures have already
climbed to 0 ° C. My wife said I should
decorate the front of the house for Christmas this morning . It’s crazy! Why
did not she tell me that last month ?! She claims that
she did, but she lies when she just opens her
mouth.

December 24
20 cm. The snow plow had thickened the snow so that the
shovel broke through. I thought I was infarcting. If I
ever catch that bastard driving the snowplough, I ‘ll drag
him by the snow, by his own
eggs. I know for a fact that he lurks around the corner until I’m done
with the Schipperei, and then he sets off with 180 things and
carries all the snow back to where I just just
wegschippt him.
My wife actually wanted me to
sing Christmas songs with her today and open the presents. As if I do not have enough
to do with this goddamn snowplow.

December 25th
Merry Christmas!
Last night fell 50 cm from this * [/ @ ~~} * @} [{stuff. Snowed in.
If I just think of shoveling, I’ll get the crisis.
God, how I hate snow!
Then the snowplow driver came and asked for recognition for
his services; I put one on him with the shovel.
My wife claims I already have a bad name. The
it has not all. If I ever
hear of Wonderful World again, I’ll kill her.

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December 26
Still snowed in. Why on earth did I just move
to this damn area? That’s all up to YOUR crap
. She really gets on my nerves.

27th of December
Temperature drop: – 30 ° C. The water pipes are frozen.

December 28
Warming to -5 ° C. Always snowed.
The old woman drives me crazy!

December 29
25 cm of fresh snow. Bob says I should clear the roof or it will
break. That’s really the stupidest thing I’ve
ever heard. How stupid does he think I am?!

December 30
The roof has collapsed. The snow plow driver sued
me for $ 1 million in damages. The woman has moved back to
her mother. There are another 20 cm predicted.

December 31th
Have what was left of the house, turned into a campfire.
From now on, there is no more shoveling.

January 8th
I feel good again. And I love those little colorful pills
they give me all the time. Everyone is so nice here! But why am I
actually tied to the bed?
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