When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: “Sir excuse me; your zipper is open.” So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper. He went near little Jonny and told him: “My dear it would better to say: the office door is open.” Next day when the teacher […]
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red on her chest. How did you get that mark on your chest? asks the doctor. Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never […]
A farmer gets a phone call from his son. “I’ve run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive.” “Shoot it,” says the farmer, “and then bury it.” About 20mins later he gets another call…” “Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?”
A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent: “I’m flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati.” “I’m sorry sir, but we can’t do that,” said […]
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone. “Honey”, she says in a worried voice, “be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway”.“It’s worse than that”, […]
A man prepares his donkey and dog for a long journey up a mountain. He places a pack straddle on the donkey’s back and fills everything to maximum weight. Because of the weight, he decides to pull the donkey along so that it does not become tired as easily. The […]
A little old lady was walking her dog around a lake on a cold winter morning and the lake was still frozen. All of a sudden, her little dog spotted a duck that was walking on the ice and ran out onto the frozen lake to try and catch it. […]
WIFE: Honey let’s play a game HUSBAND: Okay. What’s the game about? WIFE: If I mention a country, you run to the left side of the room and touch the wall & if I mention a bird, you run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. […]
A doctor finally saw his elderly patient after a month of trying to contact him. The doctor said: “I see you’re over a month late for your check-up. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse?” The patient answered: “I was just following your […]
An elderly minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.” The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He […]
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and then turns to the ostrich and asks, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.A short time later the waitress returns […]
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $2.50 Chicken Sandwich: $3.50 Hand Job: $10.00” He checks his wallet and asks the sexy bartender, “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Yes,” she purrs. “I am.” “Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says […]
A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. “She must be a poor old fool,” he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman […]
