Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says “I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here”. The second baby says “I want to be […]
A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair. “Fellas! My py is so big that I’ll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can’t take.” A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her py.The boots […]
A phone rings at the Robertson estate. Hello? Hi, I’d like to speak with Pat Robertson Oh, sorry to inform you that he has . Click. Again the phone rings. Hello? (Obviously the same person): Hi, is Pat Robertson there? I’m sorry to say he is no more. Click. Phone […]
A fragile looking old man approaches a young woman at a grocery store.He says, “Excuse me. I know this is going to sound awkward, but I was wondering if I could pay you to have sex with me.” She slaps him in the face and says, “I’m married. How dare […]
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, “Your bum is getting really big. It’s bigger than the BBQ grill!”Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to […]
The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn’t been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. It was just another day to him. He didn’t hate Christmas, just couldn’t find a reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the […]
Three College girls visit the doctor for an examination. Doctor: “Take off your blouse and bra.” So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.Doctor says: “What caused this?” Girl: “Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when […]
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, “What are you staring at?” “A spider,” he replies. “I don’t see anything,” she says. “Oh, it must […]
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him. The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon […]
A man finds a wallet with $700 in it. A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it. He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich […]
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said; “Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” […]
My parents were married for 55 years. One morning, my mom was going downstairs to make dad breakfast, she had a heart attack and fell. My father picked her up as best he could and almost dragged her into the truck. At full speed, without respecting traffic lights, he drove […]
A badass is driving with his friend in a Ferrari, and he speeds past a red light His friend shouts, “What are you doing?! You just ran that light!” “I’m just a badass like that, what can I say?” He laughs. He continues to speed through each red light, and […]
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