The first sermon

A pastor had stage fright before his first sermon. He asked the pharmacist what he could do about it. He advises him to practice in front of the mirror and to drink a liquor to calm down whenever he gets the shaking. After the pastor had trembled 17 times, he boarded the pulpit.

After completing his sermon, the pastor, with continued applause, left the pulpit and asked the pharmacist what he thought of his pastoral speech. The pharmacist praised the pastor and told him that he had chosen a good topic, but unfortunately made ten mistakes:

  1. Eve did not seduce Adam with the plum, but with the apple.
  2. Cain did not shoot Abel with the MP, but he killed him.
  3. It is not called “Mountain Hotel” but “Mountain Sermon”.
  4. Jesus was not run over at the intersection, but he was crucified.
  5. God did not sacrifice his son to the natives, but to his only-begotten Son.
  6. Then it was not a warm Saint Bernard, but a good Samaritan.
  7. It does not say, “Do not look for me in the underpass,” but, “Do not tempt me.”
  8. Then it is not called “the lamb’s thing,” but “thank heaven.”
  9. It does not say, “Jesus, my cow does not eat,” but “Jesus, my confidence.”
  10. And in the end it does not say “Cheers”, but “Amen”.
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