Someone should beat up Mario Barth
Once I saw Heinz Strunk on the TV and he said someone should beat up Mario Barth, which is exactly what I did.
I lurked in front of his house and when he came out, I punched him as hard as I could. I hurt him so badly that he died of his injuries.
Strangely, that did not bother me: on the contrary, I knew that I had done the right thing. So I continued. Next, I killed Xavier Naidoo, and this time I felt even better than after the first murder. Afterwards, I had the strong feeling of having ended an apocalyptic battle, I think Xavier Naidoo was the corporeal!
In the media, I became a kind of superhero. I was celebrated as a Messiah and all people rejoiced that they were now freed from the two terrible creatures.
Already many more victims demanded. I decided to put the whole thing to vote via the Internet and it involved over 1 million users. Democratically, it was decided that Johannes B. Kerner had to die next, and so it happened.
Now, the previously skeptical churches and charities also joined the chorus of sympathizers, demanding that Wes Craven be the next dead. I had nothing against Wes Craven and so I rather killed Stefan Effenberg.
It was followed in short intervals Frauke Ludowig, Kai Diekmann, Markus Söder, Fritz von Thurn and Taxis and Claudia Roth of the Greens.
In the case of the latter, during the killing process, I suspected that she was actually quite happy to finally get rid of her screaming existence after the end.
She said, yes yes she knows me and I know what I want from her and I should take it easy, her stupid life, she had anyway in the life issue to complain that they received such an unreasonable commodity and now the ” Bild “- newspaper line and always with the stinking (bad breath) Fritz Kuhn in a room must sit.
Yes, yes, she said, you can have that, the crap.
And so I shot her on the spot.
The “investigating” police chief Inspector Schuler sent me the friendliest congratulations the next day and asked me at the next murder to make sure that the device would not even as “screwed up”, as he put it, and he gave me the same tip to stop by Uli Hoeneß soon.
This seemed reasonable to me and so it happened. Hoeness offered me to supply me with greasy sausages until the end of my life, if I let him live, which I thought about for a moment, but then it was too banal for me and I also found that his purchasing policy at Bayern in The last two or three years was not so great any more and strangled him.
It was disgusting to have to touch one like that, but I had forgotten my pistol.
That’s why I decided to take the gun to my next victim, Hans-Olaf Henkel: Hoeneß was disgusting, but I really did not want to touch the handle.
And so I continued: I facilitated the human race to George Bush (was quite difficult to get to the ranzu), Horst Köhler, Dieter Bohlen (but I sent my assistant) and pretty much the entire moderators team of “arena” and ARD ,
The murder of Michel Friedmann earned me an accusation of anti-Semitism, which I immediately dispelled by including and gassing the Saxon parliamentary group of the NPD in the Saxon state parliament.
A nice side effect of my work was that Reinhold Beckmann retired to private life, as he rightly feared, “to be the next”.
In addition, all sorts of idiots, who were also afraid to “get in touch” and asked me what they could do to avoid their execution.
Due to my precise instructions to the worried Angela Merkel and Vladimir Putin among others, the Springer press was smashed within a few weeks, as were all TV channels except Premiere, which were now awarded all football rights – I took care of Marcel Reif and Oliver Forster To the delight of many, all games had to be commented by Günter Koch or Tom Bayer.
All wars were ended immediately, capitalism was abolished, which promptly led to starvation and practically no more crimes, and all television gangster rappers were imprisoned in ghettos in the Lüneburg Heath, which had been specially created for them.
There they gangsterrappen each other now fully and no one has to overhear. Since then, in particular with the so-called “young generation” I have the status “Lichtgestalt”.
But then I killed Angela Merkel, Vladmir Putin and all the other idiots like Hans-Werner Sinn or Bert Rürup. Once out of boredom, secondly, because somehow I had an uneasy feeling to leave her on the world I have saved now.
“It’s a pity you stopped.” said the former Police Chief Inspector Schuler, who has since moved to the private sector.
I have just sat with him on the porch and chatted about the happenings with a pipe and a beer.
“Already, but of the worst lives no one more and the murder was never an end in itself!”, I have answered him and there he has agreed with me and rather told me a few anecdotes from his exciting life as a “cop” – find I always roar.
Then he went home and I went to sleepwith my wife.
I have to get out early to work tomorrow.