In the pool

For some time, I have recognized the signs of the times and try to stop the slowly moving in my body down center of gravity and return to its intended place. After a serious change in diet from beer to bread, I have also committed to exercise. Even before waking up, I walk daily towards the swimming pool, where – as insiders call it – pull a few laps.

Starting with the removal of the street clothes and the cover of a wet room shredding in the middle of a mushroom farm, you then go under the shower. Here you can be sure that the pre-busher has guaranteed shock-frozen. But one can also be sure that one has forgotten the finely tuned basic shower setting every morning anew and pours into screams of pain and curses, the content of which can keep other Warmduscher distance.

Finally, in the water, the first lanes are more like a prescription drinking cure, as every early swimmer in the pool is greeted with a gurgling greeting. You are friendly …

At some point, this ritual is over, all finsqua pats welcome, you can concentrate entirely on unwinding the noted on the fitness plan 50 lanes. Eight, Nine, Ten, Dodge, Clean Glasses, New Swimmer, Gargling Greeting, Er … Eleven or Thirteen? Crap … good thirteen …

Now you have to know that at this time of night, which you have to use as a working person to be punctual then the meritocracy available, except other few fitness crazy Malochern, the pool is populated mainly by pensioners. This honorable group of the Old Forders really does the first thing to fill in the still virgin water surface of an empty basin in the morning, almost before the lifeguard has turned on the last light.

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Since there is only one equally small bathing pool in our small town, it is only logical that you have to share a train with at least 8 – 10 floats at the same time . It is equally logical that the Faltvorderen make an earlier legal claim to this orbit and therefore do not yield a millimeter, if you are a young pound just barely over 40 years in the way. Where are we going? There is only one way for me: Dodge!

For this reason, I can take the matter of counting the tracks on the light shoulder, as a straight connection between two pelvic edges is rarely achieved. Recently, I often dive between the folds, which gives me an additional feeling of vacation, Caribbean and coral ditches. Only the smell of the Caribbean is different to my knowledge. Instead of passion fruit, lime and rum, it smells penetratingly in the morning basin for chlorine and garlic. One would think that the shampoo of some colleagues is spiked with garlic – the Glatzpolitur consists of garlic or the deodorant is made of garlic. You almost swim through a wall of garlic. A proverbial “Knofi – mist of horror” covers the water every morning.

It is never worse – one should think so. But goes …

If I am late in the morning and miss the swarm of retirees, I see myself in the midst of a loud quackenden, sighing and fragrant crowd of retirees and housewives again. The Rentnerwürze wabert just below the hall ceiling, as a new poison cocktail is mixed, consisting of Nonchalance, 4711 and Channell no. 5 exists (content from bottles from the silver wedding 20 years ago). The nose starts to tingle. To avoid watering, I try to rub it while swimming and again swallow a few liters of fountain of youth water.

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The stringent order of the parallel swimming lanes is completely abolished, as the squad of female floats, whose water displacement could probably already be measured in gross register tons, now pushes forward in quadriga form. A fan-shaped dogsled team that bites everything away, which floats in the way. A Vorbeischwimmen is unthinkable, as the rushing pack occupies the entire width of the water.

A request, a plea for passage is pointless, as the cackling, giggling and bubbling makes my shivering request for passage pointless.

Only by a courageous drunter ago immerge, in which I am pressed by the heavily hanging in the water bodies to the pelvic floor and scratched by the painted nails of the fins feet, bleeding and struggling for air emerge again, like a sailor after the keel at the stern of the frigate – suffering, but alive.

Then it goes back into the shower to wash off the garlic, perfume and blood mixture. Again the shower was freezing cold.

The shampoo burns in the eyes reddened with chlorine. The colleagues secretly already whispering about my possible marital problems and a possibly imminent divorce.

From tomorrow I will probably start jogging. No pensioners, no housewives. Instead of rowdy cyclists, brakeless skaters and free-range fighting dogs ?!

Will sleep on it one more night