A nervous young priest is preparing for his first sermon. He goes to the elder bishop for advice, who tells him ‘Take a glass of vodka up with you, and every time
you start to feel nervous, take a sip. Everyone will just think it’s water and it’ll help calm you down.’
The young priest follows the wise elders advice and delivers a truly impassioned sermon. When he gets back to his office, he finds a note from the bishop with
some tips for the future.
Sip the vodka, don’t chug it.
There are 10 commandments, not 12
There were 12 disciples, not 10
We do not refer to the Lord Jesus Christ as the late great JC
We do not refer to the holy Trinity as Daddy, Jr, and Spook
When Balaam was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we do not say he was stoned off his ass
David slew Goliath, not beat the ever loving shit out of him
Jesus said “Take, Eat, this is my body”, not “Eat me”
Finally, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s next week.