Julia looks really cute when she laughs. Her smile brightens the whole face, two holes form on her cheeks, and green eyes gleam cheerfully. However, there are times when her eyes become sad and her arms drop – she is still experiencing the painful blow she has suffered.
When I was growing up, I didn’t have to worry about anything. Everything was going well with my parents, I was confident and certain of my faith. I knew there were things you just shouldn’t do.
I was involved in the youth community, I had friends, I played sports, and I especially liked football. Short stature didn’t bother me in the hard game and I was good enough to be accepted into the team that won the school championship.
Julia’s happy, worry-free life seemed even more beautiful when she went to the third grade of high school and met Konrad.
At the beginning of our relationship, everything seemed so great. We talked a lot, we were fooling around and we were able to limit our physical intimacy. My parents liked Konrad, which was important to me.
Later he began to be possessive of me. He was jealous of football, my family and friends. He wanted to be in the center of my life and began to manipulate me. He became very sarcastic and ridiculed my religious beliefs. He began to question everything I believed. He knew what strings to pull, and eventually dominated my life.
When summer came, we were together all the time. We were going to his house (or to me) when our parents were absent. Whenever we were together, we slowly moved the limit of physical proximity.
Bad traffic
One day, when we were alone, he threw me on the bed, ignoring me when I said I didn’t want to have sex. I should push him away and run, but I didn’t do it. I remember thinking: “If I let him go this far, I have no right to stop him now.”
We did it, but later I felt terrible. I have always told myself that I would remain a virgin until marriage.
From that time, Konrad expected that Julia would always be submissive to him.
Today I know that if you do something wrong and later you want to stop, you can do it. But then I thought so badly about myself that I thought: I have to stay with Konrad, because no other boy will be interested in me.
My parents saw me depressed and tried to talk to me. In the end, they forbade me to see Konrad. However, at that time he had such control over me that I ignored my parents ’instructions. Despite the warnings, I still secretly met him.
After Christmas, when Julia was in high school, her friend told her:
– Julia, something hopeless is going on! You’ve always been so happy, smiling, full of life. You’ve never done anything wrong. And now you are constantly walking down. You vegetate like a plant. WAKE UP!
Marta’s words hit me accurately! She gave me the courage I needed to break up.
Unexpected return
Julia was going in the right direction … until she agreed to go to prom with Konrad. She immediately found herself on the same emotional swing. Two weeks later she became pregnant.
She had never used contraceptives before.
I’ve always been lucky. I never thought that I could get pregnant. Then I was too ashamed to tell my parents about it. I knew I had let them down, I was afraid to hurt them and ruin their lives.
Together with Konrad we decided: abortion. I knew that there was a new life in me, but I did not think about the child. I was anxious for my life and I was afraid of sacrifice if I decided to have a child.
I postponed the procedure three days before leaving for college. When I arrived at the hospital, it turned out that I was paying the dates – I was to come the next day. I couldn’t come the next day so I was really depressed.
I sat in the waiting room thinking, “How would my parents behave if I told them? I don’t think they would stop loving me … If they found out I had a pregnancy, it would kill them.
Finally I got up and made up my mind. “I can not do that!”
The doctor in the clinic was hopeless! She acted as if I was wasting her time. She billed me a visit.
Hard future
Konrad was furious when he learned that Julia did not terminate the pregnancy.
It was the beginning of our end. I had to tell my parents about it because they expected me to go to college. Mom got hysteria.
– How could you do this to me? she screamed.
I doubted everything when her face contorted with anger.
– You … you are not the girl I raised!
Dad tried to calm things down. He said:
– Julia, you made a mistake, but you are still our daughter! – His words meant a lot to me.
After some time, my mother accepted the pregnancy of Julia. A lot of trouble was because she told her parents three months after she noticed she was pregnant.
When I accepted my situation, she really helped and showed me support. She even persuaded me to do some research at the university. I signed up even though the year has already begun.
My mother also found a Christian adoption agency that was looking for foster homes where pregnant women could wait until the birth of the child. Later I moved to one of them and we talked with my mother on the phone every evening. At the end of pregnancy, we were really close.
The following months were the most lonely period in Julia’s life. Her father often invited her to breakfast, but she avoided old friends and making new friends at the university. And Konrad? He stopped seeing her.
But God was close. He never left me, he never left me alone. The deeper my relationship with Christ grew, the more he helped me see things that I should have noticed a long time ago. I discovered that Konrad treated me unfairly and understood how unhealthy our contacts were.
I sought God’s help and asked for forgiveness. I sincerely repented – I regretted not only that I was confusing my life, but also that I had let God down.
There was such a radical change in my relationship with Christ that I felt a completely different person! On the one hand, I was really lonely because I was still ashamed to meet someone, even Marta. On the other hand, I spent a lot of time with God, read the Bible and prayed.
Split roads
Julia had to make a difficult decision: keep the child or give her away for adoption. (…)
My child should have a mother who would be at home to look after him. I wanted her to have, in addition to my mother, a father. (…)
Finally, my dad said: I want you to know that I will support you no matter what you decide. However, it seems to me that adoption would be the most appropriate decision. I know you are thinking about your child, but I am worried about my child. Are you really ready to become a mother now? – Dad’s honesty helped me a lot.
I started preparing for adoption.
Last act
Julia describes her hospital stay as difficult. She had a long and difficult delivery. (…)
The next day, after spending about twenty minutes with the child, Julia left the hospital. (…)
Later, I don’t remember anything except that I was lying on the couch with my head in my mother’s lap and I was crying. It lasted for two days. I didn’t know you could cry like that. (…)
Julia has joined a group to help natural mothers, and she plans all her classes so that she can attend meetings. Sometimes the desire to hold her child was so strong that she was trembling. However, she slowly came back to herself. Julia is now married and mother of a one-year-old boy. She and her husband are very involved in their church.