- Man comes home very drunk. His wife greets him at the door:
Wife: Where have you been?
Husband: I was at my friend’s house.
Wife: What did you do there?
Husband: We were playing chess!
Wife: Then why do you smell like alcohol????
Husband: What, am I suppose to smell like CHESS???
- One man says to another:
– You become more and more like an alcoholic every day!
– Why so?
– Because your hands are shaking when you bring a bucket of vodka to your mouth !!!
- How to distinguish quality from fake alcohol?
Very simple: If you survived – it’s a high-quality alcohol, did not survive – fake.
- I wish that the alcohol was at home just in case, but just in case comes when the alcohol appears at home.
Thanksgiving: Turkey, Family Dinner.
Halloween: costumes, sweets.
New Year: get drunk.
Christmas: get drunk.
March 8: get drunk.
- In addition to workaholics and alcoholics, there are also moneyaholics. It is easy to recognize such people: when you have to pay for something, their hands tremble greatly.
- According to our women, men today are defective:
– If not an alcoholic, then a fool;
– If not a fool, then impotent;
– If not impotent, then gay;
– If not gay, then an alcoholic.
- Guys on the day of getting paid leave the factory:
– Let’s throw a coin – let God judge how we spend the money.
– How ?
– Like so:
1) if an eagle falls, we’ll go buy the bottle first;
2) if tails we’ll buy a snack first;
3) if it lands on an edge, we’ll go to the bar, sit like normal people;
4) and if it freezes in the air, we will give all money to our wives.
- A man came home, drunk. He thinks that he needs to disguise himself from his wife somehow: I’ll take a book, as if I’m very tired and reading. She won’t suspect anything.The wife comes in and begins to scream & swear at him.
He tells her:
-Why are you screaming at me? I’m just reading a book.
And she tells him:
– Close the suitcase, you stupid alcoholic, and go to bed – sleep it off.
- Guys are drinking. One became sick, went to the bushes to puke. Johnny, should we pour you another one?- Yes, but only half.