Best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris is a legendary Karate fighter, and action actor. He is also a subject of 1000s of jokes.

  1. On the side of Hillary Clinton was the current US government, wealthy corporations and most American media. On the side of Donald Trump was Chuck Norris. Moral: Choose your allies more carefully!
  2. Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon using his home phone.
  3. Chuck Norris was not accepted to football (soccer) team, because he hit on goal without using the ball.
  4. Chuck Norris played the guitar yesterday. And won 🙂
  5. Chuck Norris can kill two hunters with one bunny.
  6. Chuck Norris can kill two birds with one stone.
  7. Chuck Norris knows nothing about aerodynamics. The fact is that the air never dared to resist Chuck.
  8. Tears of Chuck Norris treat cancer. But he is so cool that he never cries. Ever!
  9. Chuck Norris once hit a horse in the face. The descendants of this horse are now called giraffes.
  10. Once, Chuck Norris ate a birthday cake before friends had time to tell him that a stripper was sitting inside.

Here is a collection of some other good ones:

  1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  2. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  3. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  4. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  5. Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
  6. Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
  7. Chuck Norris breathes air 9 times a day.
  8. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
  9. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  10. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once …ONCE.
  11. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
  12. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, ‘Bang!’
  13. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  14. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
  15. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
  16. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
  17. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack – his heart lost.
  18. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
  19. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  20. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  21. Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
  22. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
  23. The Universe is not expanding. It is running away from Chuck Norris.
  24. Chuck Norris destroyed the table of elements because the only element he knows is the element of SURPRISE.
  25. Chuck Norris can ride a bike with no wheels. But he prefers to fly.
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