Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks who’s funeral is this? The man […]
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, “If you kiss me and turn me back […]
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, “Where did you get that turkey?” The boy replied, “What turkey?” The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.” The […]
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.” Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?” Me: “John” Homeless man: “So Johny, […]
A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset. His dog did everything for him. Washed the dishes. Bought things from the shop. The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet. Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, “Do […]
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks “How do you guys relieve your se* tension?” “Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we’ll show you.” The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One […]
Keepers at a zoo realized that a lone female gorilla that was recently brought in for habitation was badly in he. Because of this the gorilla was acting very amorous with the keepers every time they tried to feed her. So they figured if she just had s that she […]
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied , “Some things you just can’t explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down […]
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!” Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says […]
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’” […]
