A Young Priest Getting Ready For His First Sermon

A young priest, very anxious, and having been unable to pronounce a single word on the day of his first sermon, seek the advice of the Archbishop to be up next Sunday. The latter advises him to pour a few drops of vodka in a large glass of water to be more relaxed.
The next Sunday, the young priest felt so good that he could have spoken anywhere, anything.
Returning to the sacristy, he finds a letter left by the Archbishop, thus written: “My son, next time, put a few drops of vodka in a large glass of water, not a few drops of water in the vodka Then I give you some observations so that what I heard today

  1. There is no need to put a slice of lemon on the edge of the chalice.
  2. Avoid leaning on the statue of the Blessed Virgin and above all, avoid hugging and kissing her.
  3. There are 10 commandments and not 12.
  4. the apostles were 12 and not 7, and none were dwarf.
  5. we do not talk about Jesus Christ and his apostles as “JC & Co”
  6. we do not refer to Judas as “to this son of a bitch”
  7. you do not have to talk about the Pope saying “the Godfather”
    8 Bin Laden has nothing to do with the death of Jesus
  8. holy water is made to bless and not to refresh the neck
  9. never celebrate Mass sitting on the steps of the altar
  10. the hosts are not cakes appetizers to consume with the wine of mass
  11. the sinners will go to hell and not “get fucked”
  12. the initiative to call the faithful to dance was good, but not that of to make the caterpillar in the whole church
  13. The man sitting near the altar to which you referred to as “the fagot” and “the tranny in skirt”, it was me.
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