A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife: Husband: “I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn’t come back yet.” Inspector: “What is her height?” Husband: “I never checked.” Inspector: “Slim or healthy?” Husband: “Not slim, she can be healthy.” […]
The pastor stood before the congregation and said; “| have bad news, | have good news, and | have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet. “The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned. “The good news is: we have enough money for the […]
The former pastor says, “I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have anytrouble, open them.” Well, of course the new preacher thinks he will never have to use them, but in hisyouthful enthusiasm, he tries to change the order the kids march in during VacationBible School. Well, this […]
Two Men Were marooned on an island. one man pased back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The First man said to the second man, arn’t you afraid we are about to die. No said the second man for you see […]
TWO ITALIANS ON A BUS ! NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH! A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. An old lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them […]
A man is driving down the highway past a farm. He glances into the vast fields and sees a farmer screwing a sheep. He is utterly disgusted. A minute later, he slams on his brakes and says, “That was horrible. I’m going to give that man a piece of my […]
An old man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn’t know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he […]
Boudreaux done got old and his children dun put him in the old folks’ home near Breaux Bridge, where he dun met a lovely lady dat was from Texas. Now Boudreaux, being a fine upstanding Catholic, he didn’t want to do nutin dat were against his religion, no. So he […]
An old man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, ‘ Sir, I’m afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the […]
A man decided to take his wife deer hunting for the first time: After he explained the basics to his blonde wife, he told her the most important piece of information. “Whenever you shoot something, make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your […]
There’s this blonde. She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat. The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets. She looks at the blonde woman’s ticket and tells the blonde; “ma’am you can’t sit here, your ticket says coach and this is first class. please move […]
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a […]
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he […]
