The preschool teacher says, “We’re going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence?” Mary raises her hand and exclaims, “Me me me!”The teacher says, “Go ahead, what’s the sentence? Mary replies, “The sky is definitely blue.”“That’s good, Mary,” says the teacher, “but the sky […]
A man farts in bed next to his wife. His wife asks, “What in the world was that?” He replies, “Touchdown. I’m winning, seven nothing.” She decides to get even, so she lets one loose. He yells at her, “What was that?” She replies, “Touchdown, tie score.”He wants to get […]
A Chinese saw Steven Spielberg in hotel Ambassador, as he was a fan of Steven, he asked for his autograph. Instead, Steven gave a slap and said, “you bombed our Pearl Harbor.” Heart broken, the Chinese said, “it was the Japanese, not us.” Steven said, “Japanese, Chinese, Bhutanese, your all […]
A distressed women calls her boyfriend asking him to come over urgently as she had a dillema. He went over as fast as he could and found her holding her head down and upset. He asked her what was wrong and she said that she was having trouble putting together […]
Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Sally was sleeping in front of johnny.The teacher asked Sally who our Lord and savior was. Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a pin and she screamed “Jesus Christ!”And fell back to sleep. A little while later the teacher asked […]
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited – she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next […]
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she’s never had any prior lessons or training. As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away. Immediately the girl realizes she’s not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay […]
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to […]
A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says “Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol” The man later that day goes […]
A truck loaded with thesauruses crashed on the interstate on its way to Barnes and Noble According to reports witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed!
A father had five sons. They were all very successful with the exception of the youngest one. The oldest is a doctor, second oldest was a lawyer, third one is an engineer, fourth one is a scientist and the last son was a lazy bum, unemployed and never amount to […]
A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down. He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring. As they […]
Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend’s home. Her mom advised her: “My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn.” Next day her mom asked her daughter: “Had you a good day?” The […]
