Two men are working on a shipping boat headed to Ireland… They are both quality control managers and are instructed to check on the product before leaving. They go below deck and open one of the boxes, and inside are hundreds of potatoes. One of them picks one up and […]
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” […]
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some […]
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers. “Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three?” “Four,” answered the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?” “Jack.”
Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the […]
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit. He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower […]
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch “Help! Is there anybody up there?” he shouted. A majestic voice boomed through the gorge: “I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.” “Yes, yes, I […]
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, […]
A farmer sold an old horse, but warned the buyer she didn’t look too good. The buyer insisted she looked well enough and bought her. A few days later, the buyer came back, complaining the horse kept bumping into things. “The old mare’s completely blind!” he shouted. “Well, I told […]
A man is in a pub talking enthusiastically and at length about his hobby, skydiving. He turns to a woman sitting close to him and asks, “Have you ever tried skydiving?” “Only once,” she replies. “Never again.” The man then realises that she’s blind. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he says, somewhat […]
There was once a convention for blondes intended to make them feel more confident. At the first get together as a group, the host asked for a volunteer from the audience. when the blonde came up he announced to the audience that he was going to ask a few simple, […]
Two beggars are sitting in front of a church in the Middle Ages. One is wearing rusty knight’s armor with holes in it and a sign that says: “Please help a poor knight returned from the Crusades who fought for the Holy Land.” The other has a long beard and […]
