A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like […]
My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer’s, I see him every morning and he asks me If I’ve seen his wife. Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question. […]
Tommy begged his father to get them a Christmas tree Father said no. No Christmas tree “But daddy all my friends have Christmas trees in their house” Father was adamant, NO Christmas tree. Tommy pestered his father every year. Still no Christmas tree. Finally when tommy was 10 he really […]
A nun woke up one morning feeling great, she got out of bed and decided to go to the kitchen for some breakfast. On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, “Hi sister Jane,” by which sister Jane says, “I see you got off on […]
A woman cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hid under the […]
A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy “No, they went in to town.” The boy replied “Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked “No, […]
The couple was watching television at night. The husband says, “Can I know why you’ve been sulking since I arrived?” And, angrily, the wife responds, “Today we celebrate 25 years of marriage, and here we are, standing in front of this television.” “MY GOD! I was so busy that I […]
A man takes his 7 year old daughter to visit a castle. while they are visiting the castle, they come accross some stairs that lead to another floor. since the castle is filled of history and authenticity, the man, amazed by the castle, tells his daughter: “can you believe that […]
Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie. Delighted, the genie says, “You have finally freed me after all these years, so I’ll grant each one of you 3 wishes.” The first guy […]
A Hare is assigned as the chief of police in the forest.He sees matters are bad, and decides to hit crime by tracking down illegal incomes. So, he orders the Vixen to be brought in for interrogation: Hare: Hmmm… Let’s see… It says here you have a rather low income, […]
A mother and her teenage son were walking on the beach… Suddenly the son asks: “Mom, what’s an alcoholic?” The mother replies: “See those 2 boats in the sea? An alcoholic would see 4 instead of 2…” Son: “But mom, there’s only one boat.” Mother: “Damn.”
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly. At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket […]
A nervous young priest is preparing for his first sermon. He goes to the elder bishop for advice, who tells him ‘Take a glass of vodka up with you, and every time you start to feel nervous, take a sip. Everyone will just think it’s water and it’ll help calm […]
