I never thought that I would make a shit like that.
Write down my thoughts here just to not completely lose myself in myself.
I’ve been thinking about publishing it for a long time. No, this is not an invented story. That is my life.
Imagine you have to play another human every day just to show that you are fine. To live on and to go on and on. Just do not show weakness.
Shortly before Christmas, I broke off contact with my mother, which I definitely do not regret. She only took advantage of me. I’m happy with my husband, but he’s also a little older than me so he thinks the problems I have and the thoughts I’m having are just kids issues. He does not listen to me. Demand so much of me and I feel obs is never good enough for him. I have no idea how to feel. I am 21 and feel like I’ve lived my whole life. I am tired. I want to have my rest. I want to be far away from this life. Leave everything behind me. But I can not. There are still people who stop me, who cheer me up and who do me good. But what if I really need help. All say come on, that will be fine. You are still so young. Life goes on. I do not want to continue. I’m doing everything wrong where I am. At every sentence where I say, I start to cry. I can not stand it any longer. Slowly but surely, the zest for life comes out of me. I will not be happy anymore.
Yesterday I left the key in the door and had to wait forever for the locksmith. 515 € just to push the door. What do I get in retrospect. Accusations. Insults and my heart is renewed injured. As if nobody locked out. As if that’s so inhuman.
Today I feel limp. I have a headache every day. My lung hurts. I just do not want anymore. Called at work that I am sick. It must be said that I have really great work colleagues. I love my job. When I opened the balcony door my dog was cut off. I immediately ran after in socks in the rain and the cold.
Thank God I got it. But what should I say. I can not even tell my friend that because I only get reproaches, I tell him almost nothing, he does not listen to me and does not understand me. All just problems that are not a problem.
I am tired.
Day mode: Tired
feeling: Empty
Nobody can understand what different people are going through. But you should listen to these people and not just laugh about it. Other people’s problems are not yours. You see the problems as a small challenge but for this person it is mostly unaffordable and the more that person sinks into the problems, the colder and calmer he becomes.