this may be something like a diary. Why here? Why public? Why why why??
What does all this have in common with what I do when nobody finds out?
Well it actually started harmlessly. Everything totally unspectacular .. like everything in my life. And maybe this has been the trigger. A child in no way out of nothing for nothing.
Oh, I do not know. What should it be? I came to terms with it. And yet there was something that has always eaten inside me. Why me? What did I do to experience this ?!
Nothing. I did not choose where and when I was born. Then I was there … and … well then nothing ….
My childhood was almost normal. My mother has fought her way through and given everything. Except maybe the most important … LOVE … to me, to all the others already. So many men. And me? Not much …. to nothing.
Well, a long time ago and now I get everything I want. More or less. But as I want it.
So where do I start ?!
It was Wednesday … or Thursday ?! I think it was Thursday. Wednesday is still too far at the beginning of the week. So a Thursday. Everyone is looking forward to the Friday, weekend. Family, celebrate and have fun. Not me. But that was then. Now I am always looking forward to the Thursday. A day created for me. After-work parties and the idea of the weekend makes people careless. And me all the more active. Rather by accident, my new life has opened. A drink after a more than shitty working day in the most impossible office you can imagine. People who crawl each other so deep in the Ar …, that you do not know where to start and the next stops and everything on peace-joy-pancake that makes you feel bad. I just had to go for a drink after the day. There where no one knows me. No one has ever seen my face or heard my name. There where all are anonymous and yet known. I have always been very unobtrusive. Even my landlord never knew who I was. But that was okay. At least from now.
That evening, I went to this bar right after work. It was full and stuffy. Smoking allowed. I dont smoke. And for a good reason. But anyway, enough of me. Why would I want someone to recognize me on the street? Now that I finally have a hobby. One that I enjoy. Really fun. Without side effects for me 🙂 but only for me …
The first one I took with him and showed him what I could do was hoping for quick sex in the beginning. But at the latest after I had tied his hands around a tree, it suddenly became clear to him that this was not the case. But it was already too late. Before he even made a sound, his head was gone. For a long time I had to train to be able to muster and control such a force. But in a big city, there are enough ways to do it without you noticing. And now it was finally time. It was the best feeling I have ever experienced. Just wash and remove the items is very expensive. Since I do not want to quit so fast I have to be very careful not to leave any evidence.
I read a lot about it and took a lot of notes. Researched a lot and wondered how to do it well not to get caught. Seen many broadcasts about it and partly wondered how stupid they were. Well, it’s all new territory for me. Also this letter. What do you want, must and can you know without me having to stop? My arms hurt me … I think I’m going to sleep better and leave you alone with your thoughts. Just as I am alone with my thoughts.
Until next time