A man in a grocery store notices a woman with a 3 year old girl in her cart. As they pass the cookie section, the little girl screams for cookies. The mother says, “Now Missy, we only have a few more aisles to go. Don’t throw a fit, it won’t […]
Two lawyers walk into a restaurant, sit down at a table, order a coffee and pull out sandwiches from their suitcases. An angry waitress approaches them, exclaiming “Excuse me, you can’t eat your own food here!” The lawyers look at her, then at each other and exchange the sandwiches.
A man married two women, Kate for her money, an Edith for her body. He regularly spent 2 weeks of each month at each wife’s home and of course neither Kate nor Edith was aware of the other wife. One day, he slipped up and Kate found phone messages to […]
A small boy asks his Dad what are politics?”Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care […]
A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it? He said he’d offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. […]
A little boy asked his grandmother what year she was born. She told him she was born in 1935. “Wow!” the boy exclaimed. “If you were a baseball card, you’d be worth lots of money!”
A waiter places a warm cup in front of the gentleman. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!” The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, you asked for fresh ground!”
As Jenna waits in line at the grocery store, she can’t help but overhear the conversation of the lady in front of her. “Don’t forget to say thank you, and to sit up straight, use your napkin, and please, for the love of God close your mouth when you chew!” […]
A man was at the bar drinking himself to oblivion. He had his head in his hand and he was shaking his head. The bartender asked, “You alright, pal?” The man said, “Let me tell you a story.” The bartender looked around the empty bar and replied, “Sure.” The man […]
A woman was at her doctors office. At the end of the examination, the doctor said, “You appear to be in perfect health, but I noticed there are some abrasions on your knees and elbows. Any idea what those are?” The woman said, “Those are rug burns, doctor.” “Rug burns? […]
A man dies of heart failure and his wife of 40+ years goes to the funeral home to make arrangements for his burial. After the funeral director had gone through the usual questions he asked the widow if she had any special requests pertaining to the burial. She replied, “I […]
A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, “I’ll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you’re doing.” At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well. Right before she got to 3000 feet, […]
There were two hunters in the forest on a very hot day, and suddenly one of them collapsed. His friend started to panic, and dialed 911 to ask for help. They picked up and asked “what seems to be the emergency?” He replied, “my friend’s collapsed and he’s not breathing, […]
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