A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so […]
Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school. When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after […]
A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, “Sure, that’ll be one dollar.” “One dollar?” exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, “Could I have steak and chips?” “Certainly,” says the barman, “that’ll be two dollars.” “Two dollars?” cries the man. “You’re joking. Where’s the […]
Danny is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother’s house for a visit. There’s a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. So Danny and his friends start snacking on them. When they’re ready to leave, his friends say, “Nice to meet you, ma’am, And thank you for […]
So, in the summer, I go do some work. I was looking for a job, and found house painting. A couple of days after my first day, we where going to paint a fairly big house. We did it with the 3 of us, because then the job will be […]
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his […]
This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on. The bartender goes, “Where’d you get the great shirt mate?”The man replies, “David Jones.” This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and the bartender goes “Where’d you get the great pants mate?” The […]
A 64-year-old lady never had any kids, so she went to her doctor and asked if he would help her with in-vitro fertilization. He said, “You’re a little old, but I guess we could give it a try.” A few months later she got pregnant. She invited her girlfriends over […]
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day the same guy came into the […]
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said, “Just […]
A girl was a pro*****, but she didn’t want her grandma to know.One day, the police raided a whole group of prost**** at a sex party in a hotel and the girl was among them. The police took them outside and had all the pros***** line up along the driveway […]
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from […]
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in […]
