A blonde was walking to her friend’s house. There were 3 boys playing nearby. Seeing the blonde, they stopped her and said “Can you please climb up this tree and get our kite? We tried and failed!” The blonde says “Sure” and quickly climbs the tree… but doesn’t see the […]
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for […]
A woman was visiting her elderly mother in a mental hospital when a guy entered the ward, waving his arms about and making beeping noises. “Excuse me,” said the woman. “What are you doing?” “I’m driving my car,” he replied cheerily. “Beep, beep!” “But you’re in a mental hospital,” she […]
A young woman found a nice place to get some sun on the top of her condo building. After doing this a few times, and realizing no one could see her, she took off her suit to get an all-over tan. Soon after doing this, the building manager came up […]
Man goes into a butchers. Asks: “What happened to your assistant?” Butcher replies: “Fired him.” Man asks: “Why’s that?” Butcher replies: “Because he was putting his dick in the bacon slicer.” Man asks: “What did you do with the bacon slicer?” Butcher replies: “Fired her as well.”
A woman reports that a psychic stole money out of her purse during a seance. The detective requests a description, to which the woman replies that the clairvoyant was about 5 feet tall. The detective squawks into his radio: “Be advised: We have a small medium at large.”
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ve got a little man that plays the piano in my pocket.” The bartender doubts the man but the man insists “if I can show you him will you give me a free drink” to which the bartender obliges. […]
A man is at an airport, walking around. Suddenly, he sees a machine standing nearby. Coming close, he sees a poster upon it: The newest analysing supercomputer! Tells all about you for fifty cents. The man drops in half a buck. Five seconds later, a piece of paper comes out. […]
A driver was pulled over for speeding. The cop approaches and says, “Do you know how fast you were going?” The driver replies, “Yeah yeah, make it quick; I just robbed a bank and I just lost those cops a few miles back.” “Really?” as the cop starts taking notes, […]
A woman grants her mothers unusual dying wish.She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island. A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother’s left foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her […]
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’ The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it […]
A man and woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, the man in the […]
Three nuns die and arrive in heaven Three nuns arrive in heaven. Peter is standing at the gates, and he welcomes them into heaven, but tells them before they can enter they must answer a question. Peter comes to the first nun and asks “what was the name of the […]
