A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ve got a little man that plays the piano in my pocket.” The bartender doubts the man but the man insists “if I can show you him will you give me a free drink” to which the bartender obliges. […]
This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?” But she […]
A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 21 y/o daughter. He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the […]
A German couple have a perfect little boy, except. He won’t speak a word. Now 5 years old, the intelligent, bright, happy little boy has never spoken a single word. They take him to doctors, they pronounce him in perfect health. They take him to a psychiatrist, who says he […]
My Uncle Martin went through an awful, gut-wrenching divorce that changed him forever. He filled the head of his son Saul – my cousin Solly – with warnings of the evil ways of women, begging him to never fall under a woman’s spell. It made quite an impression; Saul dutifully […]
Two guys are sitting at a bar watching the 11 o’clock news. Footage is being shown of a man standing high on a ledge threatening to jump. The 1st guy says to the second guy, “I bet you $100 he jumps.” “You’re on” says the 2nd guy. Not long after, […]
Fred had been a curate in civilian life, so when he joined the submarine service it was decided he should be a chaplain. However, his boat was ordered to leave port the day before he was due to take Holy Orders. In the wardroom that night, Fred was despondent. “Will […]
Three men are standing at the pearly gatesSaint Peter asks the first one, “Why should I let you into heaven?” The man replies, “Well, I’ve always tried to be a good husband and father. I never lied and I never cheated.” Saint Peter says, “Very well,” and lets him through. […]
Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, “That […]
A papa mole, a mama mole and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, “I smell maple syrup!” The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the […]
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit. He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower […]
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!” The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
A teacher says to Little Johnny “If I gave you two cats and another two cats and another two, how many cats would you have?” Johnny says “Seven.” Teacher says “No, listen carefully. If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you […]
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