A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just […]
A blonde wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. […]
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color […]
An elderly couple had dinner at another couples house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,“Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.” The […]
A woman in her early twenties goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud […]
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,” says the Coroner. “Second […]
A well dressed drunk man walks into a bar He approaches the bar and shouts: “Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!” The bartender pours all the drinks. The whole bar cheers and they all drink. Afterwards, the bartender hands the bill to […]
Two grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old man walked by. One of the grandmas yelled out: “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” “There is no way you could guess that, you old biddies,” the man replied. The other grandma […]
Mr Smith is waiting in the maternity room….As his wife goes through a very difficult delivery and its touch and go if either will survive. Finally the midwife walks into the room sad and not smiling but holding a healthy baby boy. She hands it to him saying “ I’m […]
A man walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of whiskey. The bartender lines them up, and one by one, the man downs them. “Whoa there, big fella! What’s the occasion,” asks the bartender. “First blowjob,” replies the man. “Well, in that case, the 6th shot’s on me, ” […]
A lady walks into a store and asks where the XL cond are kept. The manager sends her off to the family planning section. After ten minutes, the manager takes routine a walk around the store, to check on things. He finds the lady still in the family planning section, […]
A lady walks into an accountants office and tells him that she needs to do her tax return. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.” He gets her name, address, tax file number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” “I’m a […]
A cat dies and goes to heaven. An angel meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”. The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor […]
