Judge: “This is a very brutal offense, if you want to reckon with some leniency, you have to give us an explanation.”
The man: “She was so stupid, I just had to kill her!”
Judge: “That’s even worse, if you do not want the jury to plead guilty from the start, then please give us a plausible explanation.”
Then the man: “We lived in a skyscraper on the thirteenth floor and on the first floor lived a lovely porter’s family, who had three children, it was terrible! They were so small by nature.” The twelve-year-old was 80cm tall, the 19-year-old 90cm.
I came up to my wife one day and said:
‘Yes,’ says my wife, ‘this is a true Pyrenean race.’
I say, ‘No, what you mean are pygmies.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘Pygmies, that’s what the human has under the skin, he’ll get freckles from that.’
I say, ‘This is pigment.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘pigment, that’s what the ancient Romans wrote.’
I say, ‘This is parchment!’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘parchment is when a poet begins something and does not finish …’
Mr. Richter, you can imagine, I’ll swallow the fragment, I’ll sit in my armchair and read the paper. Suddenly my wife comes up with a sentence, I think
She opens a book, points to a passage, and says,
‘The sunshade of the purse was the pawn’s teacher.’
I take the book to myself and say, but sweetheart, that is a French book, reads:
‘La Marquise de Pompadour est Maitresse de Lois XV. In other words, the marquis of Pompadour was the mistress of Louis the 15th. ‘
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘you have to translate that literally:
La Marquise – the
sunroof Pompadour – the handbag
la Maitresse – the teacher
Lois XV – the pimp 15
I have to know this very well, I have one extra for my French lessons Employed as a legionnaire. ‘
I say, ‘You mean a lecturer.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘Lector was the Greek hero of antiquity.’
I say, ‘That was Hector, and he was Trojan.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘Hector is a square measure.’
I say, ‘That’s one hectare.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘acres is the deity’s potion.’
I say, ‘That’s the nectar.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘Nectar is a river in southern Germany.’
I say, ‘This is the Neckar.’
My wife: ‘You probably do not know the beautiful song: Soon I’ll be eating at the nectar, soon I’ll be grazing on the Rhine, that’s what I recently sang with my girlfriend in a duo.’
I say, ‘That’s duet.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘Duet is, when two men attack each other with a saber. ‘
I say, ‘This is a duel.’
‘No,’ says my wife, ‘duel is when a railroad comes out of a dark, dark mountain hole.’
Mr. Richter – I took a hammer there and beat it to death … “
Entered silence, then the judge:
” Acquittal, I would have killed her already at Hector … “