100 life mishaps

100 life mishaps

1. Yesterday was my girlfriend’s birthday. I decided to make her a surprise. I secretly invited all friends to her. We waited in the dark in her apartment until she returned from work. The apartment door opened, a man’s voice was heard: “I feel terrible for you.” “I am on you too.” This k ** as he forgot about my birthday and went to the match with his buddies, so we can spend together in bed ”
2. Yesterday I had drunken sex with a cane I met at the party. We did not have elastics, but she said that I would be able to pull on time. When I almost got there and just wanted to evacuate, she embraced me with her thighs, shouting: “Become the father of my child!”. She did not loosen her grip until the very end of the
3. Returning from work, I noticed how on the street a guy beats, tugs and challenges a woman. Without thinking, I rushed to help the woman. I caught the guy for the rags and “politely asked” to take his hands off her. The guy was speechless for a moment, and the woman does not roar at me: “What do you care about? Do not let her in!”
4. I am an orthopedist, Patients before the procedure get the so-called “stupid Jasia”. They do strange things on this tablet. Last year, after bringing the patient to the operating room, he looked at me and said seriously, “I was ruining your wife” … It turned out that he did not lie.
5. Throughout middle school and half of high school, I was in love with a girl, but I never told her. For the simple reason- I was afraid of rejection and I was sure that I did not like her at all. That is why our contacts were limited to “hello”. It turned out that the girl’s parents are going to London permanently, and she along with them. The day before she left, she called me and said she wanted to meet. When we saw her she confessed that she loves me since she remembers, but she was ashamed to admit. This was our last meeting …
6. Today, my neighbor pointed out to me that my wife would sleep more quietly with the night … she’s been working on the nock for a month …
7. Today my four-year-old daughter told her mother-in-law that our home is haunted. Why did she say that? Because at night, he hears ghosts calling out daddy’s name and groaning.
8. I am the father of a 15-year-old. I will never go shopping with my daughter to the gallery again to buy her pants … Fuck movie (“Galerianki”).
9. I have just completed the orthodontic treatment phase (so my teeth are straight). It cost me about 6,000. Golden. After my last visit, leaving the office, I stumbled and fell straight on my face. 5 teeth broken, 2 broken
10. I was standing at the bus stop. I saw the boy standing nearby, took out cigarettes and started smoking. He was small, he looked like a primary school student, so I went to him and said, “Do not smoke because you will not grow up.” When he turned around, it turned out to be a dwarf.
11. I got a phone call from a friend and a neighbor at the same time, that he saw me enter the same guy once again this week. Just a wife had a vacation so it’s pretty obvious what I thought. I got off work and quickly went home. Quietly, I opened the door and went inside. I heard some noise coming from our bedroom. I sneaked in the door, I went into the room with a bang: “I have you strange … yyy” and I saw my 17 year old son (who allegedly was at school) as he was taking from the back some guy around 40. Wife in those hours was just at the pool and gym, and he ran away from school. Knowing that he was in no danger he invited this guy home. I think I would rather find my wife there.
12. The last grade of high school. Break. One of the class gangsta unscrewed a bottle of carbonated drink. At some point, the contents began to throb and foam, so the guy reflexively moved his hand, where he kept the drink away from his sweatshirt. Unfortunately, he did it so vigorously that he splashed the girl passing by. The carbonated juice soaked her front of the sweater, face and part of her hair. This clown did not even apologize, and his equally daring colleague commented: “Ugly can not be anyway.” Of course, the chick heard it. Meanwhile, they were croaking like fools and nailing each other on Fridays. Their faces after entering the class are indescribable. A new German teacher was sitting behind the desk and wiped her wet glasses from the drink. After checking the attendance list, she caused our little clown to answer naturally. The man started apologizing to her, but she silenced him with her hand, then said: Now I am the sprite, and you are thirsty. His guest almost cried
13. I am the step-mother of a 17-year-old boy. Recently, I wrote to my husband that I am waiting for a hot one in bed. I did not want to send it to my son, to which he replied: “I’ll just be a little problem, what about the father will not find out”?
14. Today my boyfriend said he can not spend the evening with me because he feels terribly weak. I made a broth to him and went to him to surprise him. I covered him playing with my sister. She does not have a lawyer … my mother took her there.
15. My husband told our child that if he did not go to sleep, a pedophile would come at night …
16. I was with my girlfriend on a walk when a stranger ran up to me, gave me a face and cried: “You flew me first and now you do not want to know!” and she escaped. Dumbfounded, I barely explained myself. However, when after a few days the situation repeated itself with a completely different, alien to my girlfriend, my sympathy with me broke up. Today I met one of these girls and she admitted that the ex-boyfriend of my girlfriend paid for this number.
17. Yesterday I came back at 3 am from the event, completely wrecked. I had no idea how I got home … Until my neighbor did not come to yell at me for calling me an intercom after night and I asked for the door to open – arguing that I do not want to wake anyone at home, because it’s late.
18. As a joke, my roommates changed my laptop wallpaper to screenshots from porn movies. I usually take a computer with me for lectures. Nothing terrible if not for the fact that on this day I was doing presentations on the projector in front of 200 people.
19. I went today on a blind date with a cane found on the net. I lied that I was single. She also wrote earlier that she is free. As soon as she entered the pub, I had to understand that it was not true. How? It was my girlfriend.
20. We were returning by train from student’s departure. The train was obviously full, so we did not sit together, only the group dispersed. Me and my boyfriend got to the compartment with older people returning from the sanatorium, among them was my former teacher. We love the way of conversation with seniors, we make a good impression of today’s cultured, well-mannered and polished children … and at this moment, the compartment door opens and our pal with the flask of suspicious liquid rushes in and says “How are you, k *, is going “Do you want some brains?”
21. In the morning with my husband, we woke up in a funny mood and gathered for small pranks, cautiously because I am pregnant. Later on in the morning I got a shower and went for a check-up to the gynecologist. during the test I asked if everything is okay, and the doctor does not see any disturbing changes like that, I see everything in order and … OOO EVEN SEXIC IS SEEING! I thought that I would die of shame, and additionally the doctor (even without looking at my face) said: “Do not be so red because you disrupt my inspection.”
22. I came back from work early and decided to take a relaxing bath. My husband came into the apartment and started saying, “honey, let me just catch you, we will not leave the bed for a week”. I replied that I can not wait, and leave the tub immediately. Suddenly I heard – I have to finish my dear, I will call later.
23. Since the morning I have an unmerciful hangover. I ate dinner and lay down on the bed. Revolution in the stomach. I lie to myself, lost in thought, until suddenly my cat, weighing 10kg Maine Coon, jumped from the cupboard straight to my stomach. I released the big peacock in the “whale” position, blaming myself, the cat and the bed.
24. My guy had the last session exam. We were to celebrate together, but decided to go with friends for a beer year. He suggested to me, but I shot foch (he finally made an appointment with me). I thought about it and decided to go to him. I have the keys to his apartment, so I made supper and waited. I got drowsy, so I went to bed. I was woken up by my drunk guy, having sex with a friend of the year. They were so drunk that they did not even notice that I was in this bed … I gave my engagement ring …
25. Hour 22 with minutes lying with my wife in the bed calling her phone: “It’s up to you!” – he answers slightly indignantly. I talked to our friend friend (and more precisely, a witness from our wedding).
    I put my phone down quietly and my wife said to me: “There is no time to call you? What did she want ?!”. You would like to see her face when I replied “And nothing, she only gave me birthday wishes that you forgot about as usual” … For her
26. I read a book. It is the middle of the night. I am sitting under the linen with a flashlight. I’m scared because it’s just a horror movie. I am in the most interesting moment of the book, my heart is beating me crazy, I turn the page and there … torn out the last 10 pages and the inscription: “You will never know!”
27. I caught my son (16) on smoking, so I used the same punishment as my father on me – I bought two packs of cigarettes and told him to smoke one after the other until he “returned”. It turned out that two packages are not enough for him …
28. Today I found Jesus. The bad news is that I found it in the form of a concrete figure that fell on my car.
29. Recently, I learned from a gynecologist that I am barren. It did not bother me especially because I’m 22 years old and to be honest I never thought about children. Soon after that, my boyfriend and I decided to go wild, of course, without protection (there was no way we would get in). After a month I noticed that my period is late, so I decided to visit the doctor again. After the examination, he happily told me that I was pregnant. When I told him it was impossible, because he was telling me that I could not have children, he apologized and said he must have mistaken the patient cards.
30. After the noises coming out of the bathroom I can say that the first dinner, which I prepared for my boyfriend did not accept.
31. Today my mother told me that she is pregnant and the baby will appear in August. I do not know what is worse – that my mother is 50 or that my fiancé is a father.
32. Recently, after finished classes, I returned to my apartment. Walking down the street I noticed my boyfriend in the cafe. I went to her and then I saw that he was not alone, but with some girl. I approached them and rode up. I even had a good time, until the chick did not smoke: “Maciek told me a lot about me and it’s superlatives, I know why you are his best friend.” I looked at her first and then at my boyfriend, then she added: “We’ve been a couple for six months.” I was with him for 3 years …
33. In my town, I really liked the boy. As we have holidays, he earned himself as … church. During the collection of “as a victim” in addition to a few pennies to the cart I decided to put on his small card his phone number, with the signature “Call, you liked me.” Hoping to pay attention to it. It was quite a puppy behavior, but I was hoping it was effective. In fact, in the evening I got the longed-for message. We wrote together for a long time. He was very intelligent, thoughtful, funny. We decided to meet. I went to a designated place in the park, dressed in an appointed green jacket and jeans. Suddenly, someone covered my eyes, when I turned away I received flowers from … a priest with whom I flirted for three weeks.
34. I am a rescue student, I already travel to share as part of internships. On the first day we had a call to an elderly lady who lost consciousness. After getting to the place, the doctor told me to start resuscitation – I refused, but the order is an order … I started to resuscitate and asked the doctor several times: “Adrenaline?” – “Not yet!”.
    After 15 minutes of reanimation, sweating, I gave up. The doctor says: “Well, young, I’m sorry … she did not survive.” Broken, I boarded the ambulance and began to explain that I had resuscitated for the first time. It was only at the base that they told me that she had been dead for 1.5 hours and resuscitated the corpse for 15 minutes.
35. I worked a few years ago on a night shift and came home in the country in the morning with my car. One day I noticed that a guy with a big backpack was walking by the side. Because it was rough uphill, I stopped and asked if I would not give it away. He was a bit embarrassed, but finally he got in. He smelled terrible, the first time I felt such a stench. I asked what he was doing at such an early hour (there was something at 4 in the morning), and he replied that he was going fishing. I did not know we had a lake nearby. I also thought that the smell goes from the worms in the backpack. A bit later I dropped him and went home.
    After about a year, I had forensic medicine classes at the university, where for the first time I had the “pleasure” to smell the decaying corpse. The smell was the same as my hitchhiker (or the contents of his backpack) can not be mistaken.
    And no, there is no lake near my village …
36. Today, the girl with whom I have been for three years left me for another. She stated that she must be with someone who will support her financially in the future. He works at a newsagent, and I’m studying medicine.
37. Yesterday I loved my wife in the bathtub. It was somewhat absent, dreamy and euphoric. After a moment, I ask: “Baby, will you turn away?” and she got torn out of this state: “No, I’m not bored at all” …
38. This morning my father woke me up, upset that he could not go to work and that I was going to go outside with him. I leave the house, look, and here an open gate and in the middle of the trip there is a 2.5-meter male member made of snow.
39. Last weekend, my girlfriend was going to a wedding, but she did not want to take me with her. I was very surprised, but because we agreed on a modern relationship, I did not protest. On Monday it turned out that it was her own wedding.
40. A week ago, we were with me on the grill. It is known how the beer is poured with streams, the company is amused. Mine has always had such an ailment that when he drinks it, he starts to speak incredibly loudly – totally not controlling – despite the admonitions of people. It was also this time. As it happens in the company, groups have formed, I talk to several people in one. He, however, found himself in the latter. Everything was fine, until someone gave him a question like “in my and in my case – how we are doing” … I heard his response (as well as 15 other people) that I was fighting an intimate infection recently and that it was probably his fault, because some time ago he met his ex and they did it without a rubber band, but that’s how everything is “cool” with us ….
41. I had financial problems, the bailiff got involved. I taught a 3-year-old son of the formula: “Mommy, I’m hungry, buy me some bread!”. On my sign, the son would recite him at the right moment. Some time has passed. I shop in the store. Because my birthday was approaching, I wanted to make a cake and soak the sponge cake with alcohol. I stand in the queue at the liquor stand. In my hand I am already holding 0.5 l of pure stomach, when suddenly my son pops up with a learned formula. The entire store, including the saleswoman, is staring at me as if he were a mother from hell. Until today, I was not there for shopping, although almost a year has passed.
42. I was at the hen party where the main attraction was to be a male striptease. When we drank quite a lot with the girls, someone knocked on the door. All of them, slightly weathered, got to the door and pulled in two handsome boys dressed up as policemen. Shouts that they would undress more quickly was not the end. It took them about an hour to explain to us that they were real policemen called by their neighbors.
43. My daughter was born to me. We went with my wife and baby to my mother-in-law. Everyone flew to see the baby. One of the neighbors says: “Like dad !!!” At this mother-in-law, quite naturally and instinctively stroking her head: “It’s nothing, it’s important that she is healthy.”
44. At night, lying in bed, my girlfriend asked me to do her massage. At the beginning it was great, she gave signals that she wanted more, so I massaged further, focusing on the continuation. At some point, I kissed her neck, and she, scared and torn out of sleep, says: “Have you had potatoes?”
45. Today, I discovered why my super-original, original perfumes kind of blows from the bottle, despite the fact that I try to save them and use them only for special occasions. My husband uses them as an air freshener after each ‘thicker’ use of the toilet.
46. A story from my friend’s life. He works in a crematorium. One day at work, he had another cremation. An old man died. Before cremation, the family is informed which is to watch it through the glass with various phenomena and anomalies related to this event. Well, just a friend forgot to tell the gentleman’s family that the muscles under the influence of temperature are shrinking in such a way that the body simply “sits down”. Of course, as you can guess, during the cremation this man “sat down” by what half of the family fled, and half tried to pull the deceased. And just for this family, whose members had to have really wet in pants and my friend, who after explaining the matter, wanted to burn together with this deceased, powerful.
47. A friend of mine calls me (working as a headhunter in a large company) that the mobile operator cheated on her, because she was supposed to get 5 zlotys for every phone top-up. I ask calmly for how much I have topped up and how much is in my account, because it may end her card’s validity or something like that. And she burned out that he plugs the phone into a charger, charges the batteries, then talks, plugs in again and recharges, and does not get 5 zlotys.
48. My mum decided to visit me and my husband in our new home for a few days. We could not get free all this time, so she sat alone at home for a few hours. After returning, I found her standing next to the fire behind the house and with real joy staring into the flames. It turned out that my mother, in order to save us from “divine condemnation” and yielding to the influence of “satanic union”, burned our long collection of fantasy books, most of my expensive underwear (she left only this decent – periodic) and all my husband’s film collections
49. I had an appointment with my fiancée for an evening at the cinema. In the afternoon she called me that today is a thread from a joint trip because her stomach hurts. 15min after the conversation, I remembered that she had recently had a renal colic attack that preceded stomach ache. So I started to call her to make sure everything was ok. So she did not answer, sensing the worst I called the ambulance and headed towards her apartment. On the spot, I appeared evenly with the ambulance. I quickly opened the door and together with them I ran into the apartment looking for my fiancée. We found her without difficulty. She did not have a colic attack, but rather she had an orgasm with her students from student times.
50. I was here for the first time at dinner with my girl’s parents. They are very religious and so-so-and-so. Somehow it turned out that the conversation went down to the operation of the groin hernia, which my girlfriend passed through in her childhood. To keep the conversation going, I burned out: “You have never told me that, love, there’s no trace there.” Then there was a long, awkward silence
51. I work in a foreign company that often does so. away training, usually not very useful, but well. Recently, in Masuria, we sat with an interpersonal trainer who taught us how to deal with stress. We did exercises like “I’m in Florida, in the mountains,” etc. Of course, we politely imagined the places that the trainer came up with and did relaxation exercises. At some point the trainer said: “I can not move my hand”, so we “could not”, then he muttered something and slid off the chair, so we slipped off gracefully to the floor. Only after a few minutes of lying down someone snapped, that we lay motionless for a long time. It turned out that the coach had a stroke. Fortunately, the ambulance was on time. After all, for the organizers
52. Yesterday I learned that my father is not the passing holiday love of my mother – which she persuaded me for a dozen years – but a priest from the neighboring parish with whom she had an affair
53. I pulled out dishes from the dishwasher today when the knife stuck in my finger and stuck in the middle of the nail. My mother started shouting at me that I was pouring blood on clean dishes.
54. On Saturday I went with friends to barbecue to a friend who invited a lot of her friends whom we did not know. I liked one of them very much and under the influence of alcohol I got to know him better – I will not be hiding, I just slept with him. Two days after the barbecue, my mother (a widow) arranged a dinner at which I was to meet her new partner Piotr and his son. Piotr’s son turned out to be a boy with whom I had sex two days ago. You do not even know what kind of face I had when my mother said that we would definitely be compliant siblings
55. The situation took place in high school times. As usual, at the break I and a few colleagues went to the men’s toilet to smoke. One day, bad luck, one of his colleagues stood with his back to the toilet door. The rest stood ahead. Suddenly the headmaster came in with the intention of “burning control”. Everyone surprised stood motionless, only a colleague standing with his back, who did not see the director, was relaxed. The director, seeing this, put his hand on his shoulder, and without turning around, he translated the cigarette over his shoulder with the text “you are 3 and sleepy”
56. I was traveling by tram today, to which a young student also got in with an unpleasant habit of biting his nails. A couple of stops further down my mother and daughter (6-7 years), and sat down next to this student. The girl looked and watched as he bites those nails until she finally took a sandwich from her backpack and handed it to him with the words: “It’s for the Lord, I think you’re hungry.
57. Today, having sex with my husband, I had an orgasm. When I was shouting, our 4-year-old son entered the room with his water gun, trying to save me “from oppression”.
58. I stood in the queue to checkout. I have a few earrings on my face and some big ears. Very “heavy” cashier asked me how big are my earrings, and then began to tell,
59. For some time I have been trying to talk to a girl I think I like too. I gathered in myself and approached her after classes and asked if she would like to go out for a walk with me. She was getting red and she wanted to tell something when she suddenly fainted and fell off the stairs. She has a broken arm and her parents forbade me to approach her.
60. I am a cleaning lady. I work in a fairly expensive but never-ending good pension, because the owner is Mrs. X, who, for example, gives breakfast to guests with precisely calculated portions, which saves on everything. Some time ago when I went to the room to clean up after customers I found a huge pile in the middle of the room and PLN 100 stuck in it. Next to the card “thank you for filling breakfast – it’s a pile of pizza that we had to eat extra because we were hungry” Regards the hungry Clients!
61. My fiancée has opened my fridge today and started her standard grumbling about my sloppiness: “You’re filthy, you never clean up, how can you do this? Look at this egg, puke wants to look at it – it’s all green and moldy !! “. It was kiwi.
62. Our dog needs to lubricate the cushions with petroleum jelly in the winter because the salt scattered everywhere pushes into the skin and causes pain. One day, my boyfriend went to the newly opened store for the mentioned petroleum jelly. He searched, searched, but did not find her, so he asked the employee where he could find Vaseline. Even then, the employee’s eyes were full of strange suspicions. The boy wanted to explain, but it did not work out, because he added only: “I need the dog does not hurt.” Further explanations went past the goal.
63. Today my beloved brought home my underwear, which I sometimes left with him. Not all panties were mine.
64. I’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months. Yesterday I decided to confess her love. I gathered for this long. I finally said “I love you, Kasia” … unfortunately, Kasia is the name of my ex-girlfriend.
65. I told my friend that due to her small bust she could start wearing a push-up bra. She had it on her then.
66. About six months ago, after many unsuccessful relationships, I met “the one and only”. Everything arranged beautifully, my wonderful prince fairy, the family immediately loved him – a real dream come true. One day, I invited him and my friend with her boyfriend for a small possession. That evening, he confessed my love for the first time. All in larks I could not wait for the next events that night, because they promised to be really fascinating – and indeed, an unforgettable moment was to see MY guy, in MY apartment, under MY shower, with MY “friend” in HIS arms .. After getting them out of I received only one text from him: “I am sorry that you took it that way” …
67. We went with friends to the cinema and we bought a big popcorn together. After a long time the friend asked me surprised why I do not eat popcorn and then it occurred to me that I was unconsciously spoofing the popcorn of a stranger who was sitting next to me. I do not even want to know what to think about me
68. My father came back from the meeting with his friends so overwhelmed that he “got into a discussion” with a microwave oven. When I tried to calm him down a little, he shouted that I would either stand by him or get a detention.
69. Today, a boy who likes me grabbed my ass when I climbed the stairs. I farted in surprise. I will not be able to look him in the eye now …
70. My girlfriend after watching the movie 40 days 40 nights (for those who have not seen him, I will summarize it in one sentence: the guy decided not to have sex or anything related for 40 days and 40 nights) decided that we will also behave like the main character, I was the opposite is why I did not understand her decision, but how the woman will end it. It was hard for me to endure without sex, caresses and even without kisses, the more so that we live together so we spent each night in one bed. When the appointed time was over, my girlfriend did not want to love her. One day I heard her conversation with a friend on the phone especially stuck in my memory the words of my girlfriend “you know the time has passed so I have to invent something new, remember? I told you how hopeless.”
71. My wife and I work the same hours, and the distance between my workplace and her office is small. We have been driving her car together for several years. She manages because she has a little further away. Recently, after leaving work, I waited for 20 minutes in the pouring rain, before I remembered that my wife is off today, and I myself came by her car, which stood in the parking lot 150 meters from me.
72. He works as a Medical Representative in the urological department. For the doctors I visit, condoms are the most useful for perceptum testing in patients. I stood in the queue at the pharmacy and when I went to the window, I asked Pania about 100 packages of condoms. Then I noticed strange faces among the rest of the people in the queue. Not thinking much, I said that I needed to work. The joy of the clients was huge. Especially at the end he said that I will receive the invoice tomorrow …
73. I decided to apologize with my bike and every day in the late afternoon I organized a cycling trip. I found a nice way around which I do not know exactly. On the way back, when it was dark I passed a new house in which people already lived. The porch of the house was lightly lit by a lamp. Whenever I was driving around that porch, I was speaking out of kindness and saying “good morning”. I was a little surprised but I did not bother. Only recently did I have the opportunity to go that route over the veneer, and it turned out that for over a month, with the obstinacy of the maniac, I greeted the tree – they were counting, hoping that one day I would say something.
74. Today, a girl broke up with me. Why? Because my dad was always tearing up. She did not quit because she was outraged by this behavior, just to be able to make a date with my father.
75. I was about to take care of my sister’s child. I took them to the playground. Because it was hot, I did not put anything under my skirt. During the game, I gave my nephew a persuade to slide off the high slide. Halfway down the skirt, I got hooked on the railing and stayed, and I landed with a naked ass among a group of children, in the sight of their outraged mothers and delighted fathers.
76. One night, when I was walking through a dark alley near the house I’m afraid of – a boy asked me politely for a phone call. I knew from the voice that he was my son.
77. Yesterday I returned from a 9-month contract and it turned out that my wife is 7 months pregnant.
78. My fiancé uses the “menstrual calendar”, an application for Android phones, in which the woman enters when she had sex when she was on her menstrual period – to calculate more or less consecutive fertile days and menses. I recently had to leave the city for a week and she stayed at home. Today, as I played with her phone with boredom, I turned on this calendar. She had “having sex” five days in a row from Tuesday to Saturday.
    Yes, I left on Monday and returned on Sunday.
79. I play in a church on the organ. Today, after the morning mass, I got a very hard bamboo stick from my grandmother, because “
80. One day I went to a gynecologist. I was 19 years old and had some health problems. Well, the doctor is examining me … and it turned terribly in my intestines. It started in a few seconds. I think I will apologize for a moment. He is researching me … you know how a gynecologist looks. He’s wearing gloves, I’m stretched. And here … fart. With rare ..no you know what. I thought it was a bad dream … I stained his hand. Not to mention the chair and the floor. A young, handsome doctor made me dress and clean up after herself with distaste on my face. At the end he said: “But you got me.” I thought I would burn with shame.
81. Today, “the first time” my girlfriend. After a few minutes with me in the middle comment: “If this is normal sex, I am very disappointed”
82. Yesterday I came back from work, so I decided to change into sexy clothes and wait for my beloved to come. I scattered things like a bra, panties on the way to the bedroom to make it more tempting. When my husband came, immediately after his entry I heard only “what is all this dispersal ***”
83. I got such diarrhea that even Stoperan did not deal with him … At 15 I have a wedding.
84. My daughter brought her new boy to dinner today. I know already why she was sure we would get along well. We went to high school together.
85. The boy dumped me after a two-year relationship for my 16-year-old sister. When I asked him why he did it, he replied that he was waiting for her to be so old that the prosecutor’s threat would not be on him.
86. My daughter asked me seriously whether the film about King Kong is based on facts. There would be nothing extraordinary about it except for the fact that she is 20 years old.
87. Yesterday I decided to go to the beautician to depilate my pubic hair. After a few minutes, I could not stand it and peed at Mrs.
88. A friend of my boyfriend (not knowing that we are together) was telling me over coffee what my “future in-laws” think about the son’s son: The whore, who was halfway across the city, a dunce, an eternal party lady. I am a virgin in the first year of pharmacy.
89. My boyfriend went to a concert in Częstochowa. I could not because there were no more places in the car. I just found out that for his former place he found himself.
90. A few days ago, a teacher at my school saw my bruises and scratches on my hands (I ride a little on the board). She asked if my mother was beating me at home. For a joke, I replied, “she’s just defending herself.” Unfortunately, my joke was not understood and unfortunately I did not think before I said that Yesterday, a teacher and a teacher came to our house. Everything would be ok, if not for the fact that my mother had a recent car accident, through which she has a big bruise on her cheek. Guess if the teacher believed the real version? She only said she would report it to the appropriate services. Now I do not know what will result from my “funny joke”.Before beginning my studies, I was helping myself with my father’s DIY – and the doorbell did not work, or something with a lamp – I tried to help him from a child, so I knew a little bit.
91. Once I had to carry out an order myself – an elderly woman in a single-family home broke down the doorbell. So I’m going, I’m here and calling. I call a few times, but no one came, so I came back home to get a solid slap in the evening, which I’m not a crowd of. And he was right – after all I was calling well knowing that the bell was broken …
92. Despite 26 years on the neck, I still look very young, people usually give me 15 years. Recently I walked one of the capital’s streets to the store and suddenly I was suddenly caught by the arm. I realized that there was a school high school students’ trip nearby, and a young woman who was clearly the guardian of the group was holding me by the arm. She started to drag me somewhere and shout about the subject of behavior as far away from the meeting point. It was only after a moment that I showed her my ID card and it was not only that I was not in her class, but that I was also older than her.
93. We bought a restaurant with her husband from a friend who permanently went abroad and could not take care of her. I had to do general cleanup there because the place was in terrible condition. I’ve been cleaning the whole day and when I finished finishing the floors in the toilets completely, the restaurant came to a friend from my husband’s work, who had never seen me before, and which my husband told me sometimes. As soon as he touched the threshold, my husband would close the toilet door where I was and go with his friend to the back. Then I heard from behind the door how a colleague asks her husband if this woman in the toilet is his wife. My beloved husband told him that he was the only cleaning lady he had employed to remove this shit …
94. I have not had sex with my boyfriend for three months. When I asked him why, he answered: “You look ugly when you have an orgasm.”
95. I argued sharply with my wife during the renovation. It seemed to be good and we explained everything to us. When I found out that it was better to dress some old, unnecessary clothes to paint the kitchen, it turned out that I was wrong. She dressed her wedding dress, along with her shoes and veil.
96. When leaving the house, I took a roll. Due to the pain in the front teeth I had to bite the side ones (probably everyone knows this feeling). I got to the belts. A woman stood opposite. I just crunches and she comes up to me and reaches out. Surprised, he says, “Eh … good morning?” I look, and here I have a zloty, I look at her and she: “Have, buy yourself fresh.”
97. More than a year ago, I learned from my parents that my dog ​​died. Today I went to the shelter to volunteer and saw my old dog there.
98. I’m sick. I lay on my stomach with a thermometer in … a part of my body, under the blanket that covered it. At some point, my little brother came into the room, happy to see me, jumped on me with the whole weight of the body. I do not think I need to say what happened to the thermometer.
99. I had a conversation about my dream job. I was very nervous about her, but my boy kept saying, “You are a busy person, they will definitely choose you.” He even told me to repeat it and I must admit that it raised my sense of self-confidence. The conversation itself was really great until the recruiter asked me “Why should we choose a lady?” … and I automatically refused, “Because I’m a busy”.
100. I asked my guy for 2 weeks to unseat the clogged siphon under the sink. In the end I come back today after work, and from the cupboard under the sink protrudes the part of my favorite in blue dungarees. With this joy that he finally fulfilled my request, I was not thinking much about catching eggs in order to help me. He got so scared that he hit his head up the cabinet and fainted. At this point, it turned out that it was not my guy, but a plumber employed by my boyfriend. I called an ambulance because the guy did not regain consciousness. An ambulance arrived and they took the visitor. One of the paramedics asked me to explain what happened. After hearing the story, the paramedics laughed so much that one released a stretcher and the plumber fell to the floor. At the moment the guest is in the hospital and I have to call the company and explain what happened to their employee.